My brand of warm and fuzzy

Photo by Preillumination SeTh on Unsplash

There is something deeply sordid in the way Master takes me. We don’t make love, we never have. Wait, that’s not quite true. I do recall us attempting to have slow romantic sex once or twice in our first year together. You know, the way they do it in the movies, with a lot of kissing and gentle groping. I can’t say I wasn’t into it; I love the man so I responded in kind. But my arousal is directly tied to my mental state, and romance wasn’t cutting it. Despite the warm and fuzzy feelings that enveloped me, my pussy stayed dry. I suppose, over time, Master figured out that the way to make my pussy wet was to give nothing and to take everything.

Today, Master told me to be ready for him at lunchtime. It’s a Monday but since Master works from home, mid-day sex is fair game. I lowered the shutters so that the neighbours wouldn’t be treated to a view of our afternoon depravity, turned on the night lights and put on some music. At exactly 12.45pm (Master loves punctuality), I met him at the entrance to our bedroom. One might expect him to meet my excitement with a kiss, but instead, he gripped the back of my neck firmly and pushed me onto my hands and knees. Keeping his grip on the nape of my neck, he steered me crawling past the threshold and straight to our bed.

“Stand up and bend over, hands on the bed, piggy.” I did as I was told, feeling somewhat unsexy in my home ensemble of a purple pullover and black sweatpants. After placing a light swat on my ass, Master pulled my sweatpants down and I silently gave thanks that I had put on a pair of black thongs underneath. Master must have liked what he saw for he started spanking my bare ass and teasing my clit through the fabric of my thongs. When he eventually pulled my thongs down, he found me soaking wet and laughed. “You’re such a horny piggy. This is what you’ve been waiting for, isn’t it?” Master asked. Yes, it was true. I rarely get fucked in the pussy these days, save for when I’m ovulating, which was today.

I heard Master pull his pants down and then felt the tip of his hard cock up against my slit, rubbing up and down till it was slick with my juices. When the head of his cock breached the entrance to my pussy, I just melted. It’s been so long since I last took him in my pussy. Usually, he just uses my ass, penetrating my pussy only when his cock needs lubrication. I knew my pussy would need some time to adjust to his full length, but I couldn’t help myself. The longing to be filled and taken, even painfully, overwhelmed me and I started pushing back onto Master’s cock. It was exquisite. I found myself asking for permission to orgasm barely five strokes in. “Est-ce que je peux jouir?” This is perhaps the first full sentence in French I learnt and one I have perfected with practice and overuse.

If you were to ask me which position my favourite is, I’d have to go with missionary, except missionary is anything but boring for us. Missionary frees Master’s hands up to choke me, slap me and grab at my tits. I adore the visuals the position allows. Master has gorgeous blue eyes that darken to a stormy grey-blue when he is aroused. I drown in them when he stares me down while plunging hard into my wet needy pussy. There is also the struggle to keep my hands at both sides of my head while watching his palm draw close to my cheek, knowing that the smarting of skin is inescapable, inevitable. The only times I allow my hands to come into the equation is when I stroke his arm in a wordless signal that he’s choking me well within my limits; a light tap on his arm indicates the opposite.

If I had to liken our love-making fucking to a style of dance, I’d compare it to the tango. We’ve danced it so many times we know the steps at the backs of our hands. We move in tandem, slow at first, but always ending with a passionate flourish. I turn, twist, raise, lower, suck, moan, scream to Master’s lead. I’ve always wondered what we might look like to someone on the outside looking in. The R word comes to mind, but nothing could be further from the truth. “But how can she possibly enjoy being treated that way?” Oh, but I do. Not by anyone, of course. Just him. Just Master. It may not look it, but every strike of flesh he gives me is measured, not much different from the ‘normal’ form of touch most others are accustomed to. It’s just the way I’m wired. No, the way we’re wired.

After Master emptied his balls deep inside me, I took his cock, still hard, in my mouth and cleaned the mixture of our juices from his shaft, the way I’ve been trained to do, regardless of which hole he’s been in. I waited to see if I’d get some time with the vibrator on my clit, but there was none of that today. “Go clean yourself up, piggy, you’re disgusting.” I laughed, headed to the shower and cleansed myself of the remnants of our fucking. Back in the bedroom, after having been thoroughly used, finally came time for the sweet nothings. Master held me tight in his arms, planting kiss after kiss on my face, reddened from a mixture of being choked and being pushed into the mattress. My face against the mass of soft blond curls on his chest, my hands stroking and exploring his arms and chest, that’s my happy place where I find love, acceptance and joy.

Denial Consequences & A Fresh Start

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Whew, it’s been a long time since I last wrote about what Master and I have been getting up to. Sadly, we hit a bit of a rut after my last post, ironically titled Back With A Bang. Clearly, we weren’t. That was published on 17 April, exactly a month ago. Since then, we haven’t played nor fucked. If you’ve read my writings, you’ll know this is not normal for us. We usually play/fuck multiple times a week.

You see, I had found myself in a very strange place sexually. My libido was pretty much gone and the thought of kink turned me off. I felt like I needed a bit of a reset, and so I asked Master if we could take a break. Master hasn’t needed to head to Paris in weeks, so we took a timely break from cuckqueaning as well. Apart from my chores, everything else in our dynamic was suspended for the period.

Initially, I assumed my libido had been affected by my hormones and would sort itself out once my hormones balanced. But a week then a fortnight passed, and still nothing had changed. And that’s when I realised what was probably the culprit – orgasm denial. More specifically, Master had me in chastity and on no-touch for months. I didn’t even edge. I teased myself with the vibrator but for no longer than 30s each time.

I knew this was one of the possible consequences, but I didn’t pin my state of mind on the denial immediately. I guess it slipped my mind till much later. Anyway, I shared this with Master and we decided to reintroduce edging. We agreed that if things didn’t improve by the end of May, we’d do a proper reset by giving me a clitgasm. I hoped we wouldn’t need to do that because I really really adore the concept of long-term orgasm denial, or at least of being permanently denied proper clitgasms.

Fortunately, it worked. After 2 nights of edging for 30 minutes, I started feeling more in tune with my sexual desires. And the weekend that just passed, we played! Our scene was really good… It was what I needed after such a long hiatus in which I felt really disoriented towards kink. But before I tell you how that scene went down, I need to fill you in on a few things.

First, Master and I are putting a pause on him seeing Ms D. I still enjoy cuckqueaning as a kink and I will continue to fantasise and write about it, but I’ve came to realise that I lack the emotional fortitude to cope with Master having a constant partner. Really, she’s great. I like her. If I were polyamorous and could feel compersion, etc, she would be perfect. BUT I am not.

The fact that they were building a connection outside of sex really got to me, and I had been battling with anxiety, trying to shove aside the bad feelings and focus on the horny ones. Catching covid and then the subsequent few weeks when Master didn’t have to head to Paris gave me a much needed respite. I realised I was in at peace, something I hadn’t felt for the months Master was cucking me regularly.

Those months were exhilarating, but also emotionally charged! I’m glad I had the experience, but I don’t think I can live like that beyond a few months. I guess I’m far too jealous a submissive to be comfortable with my Master having a permanent lover who is not me! I ended up growing resentful with Master, nitpicking that he wasn’t paying me enough attention, that he wasn’t playing with me with sufficient intensity, etc etc. It was unhealthy!

Second, our focus for now is to solidify our M/s dynamic.

  • I’m still on orgasm denial and will continue to be. Master has introduced infrequent ruined orgasms, but a nice proper clitoral orgasm is still far from reach.
  • I will start sleeping outside the bedroom again, starting tonight. I spend weekends in Master’s bed, the rest of the week in my pet bed.
  • I will wear my chastity belt at night only. Master and I agreed it makes sense for me to be unlocked during the day, assuming Master is home, since I am quite active and sometimes can do 2 yoga classes a day. When Master heads to Paris, I will be locked for the entire duration.
  • We reintroduced pussy sex since cuckqueaning is off the table. Infrequent, but now an option. The focus is more on training me to service all of Master’s sexual needs, considering there is now no one else.

Once everything is back up to speed and I am feeling good again, we might explore cuckqueaning in person but perhaps with someone who can play with us together. Or maybe Master will pick things up with Ms D again in future (they will remain friends for now) and I will be supportive of this. We’ll see!

As for our scene yesterday, it was charged. I don’t know if it was because we haven’t played hard in a while, but it felt like Master had a lot of pent up energy that he released on me. I felt like a ragdoll most of the scene, thrown around and manœuvred to his liking. He fucked me really hard in my pussy for the first time in months, forbidding me from using my thighs to keep him from thrusting deep. I had been doing that without realising, but it really turned me on when he instructed me to pull my thighs to my chest and to beg him to slow down if he hit the cervix of my tiny pussy, rather than try to keep him out by force.

Master also fucked my throat plenty, in multiple positions. At one point, I felt lightheaded because he’d cut off my oxygen for just a tad too long, but he sensed it and pulled out just before I blacked out. That was intense and made me realise how much stronger than me he is, and how easily he could hurt me if he wanted to. (I love being overpowered. Master is judo-trained so he does have experience with choking and also with throwing me around in a safe way. I’ve never been hurt by accident before.)

Master gave me a good caning which made me realise how much I missed pain. It was difficult taking a caning after so many weeks without impact, but I was sufficiently aroused that I could take it. It felt like Master needed to give me pain just as much as I needed to receive it. He was demanding and merciless and I absolutely loved it. When he was done, my upper thigh was left stinging from the pain. I thought he might have broken skin, but he hadn’t. He’d just left a nice thick long welt in the spot where my ass meets my thigh.

The highlight of the scene was when Master edged me after he’d cum. He made me lie on my back and pull back on my pubic mound, exposing my clit. Then he held the vibrator in place while he choked me with his other hand. When I was close, I started begging him for permission to cum, and to my surprise, he said Yes! But just as I crossed the edge, he removed the vibrator and started spanking my clit hard. 😦 I felt my orgasm disappear within 5 pitiful throbs, each weaker than the one before. The orgasm was replaced by the sharpness of his spanks on my poor clit. Ouch. I think I started crying and he started laughing.

I leave you with that hilarious image in your mind. I’m quite excited to refine my M/s dynamic over the next few weeks/months. Of course, I’ll make sure to share more! Have a great week!

Back With A Bang

My new dildo

Quite literally. Master banged my brains out yesterday.

The both of us came down with Covid two weeks ago, which was quite unfortunate. We thought it was the common flu at first since our initial few antigen tests were negative. After a week of not getting much better, we tested again and this time we were positive. Master and I are both very healthy. We eat well, work out regularly and we don’t have any underlying medical conditions. And thank goodness for that, because covid damn near wiped us. I cannot imagine how much worse it might have been had we not been triple vaccinated and in good health.

On the M/s side, we had to pause everything for two whole weeks. I didn’t wear my collar nor my chastity belt for the duration, and I slept in Master’s bed nightly to ensure I would recover as quickly as possible. We committed to resuming our dynamic this weekend, so the collar and belt went back on Friday and I returned to my pet bed in the closet that night. I have to admit that after such a long break, everything is uncomfortable. The collar feels even more restrictive than before, the belt is a bother, and I slept fitfully the whole of Friday night.

We played for the first time in two weeks today. We had planned to play last weekend, but Master’s condition took a turn for the worse so we ended up shelving our plans and focusing on recuperation. The both of us have been so horny we’ve been feeling each other up every chance we get, and Master spent the past few days whispering in my ear all the depraved things he would do with me when we play. And play we did. Hard. I was feeling a little concerned before our scene, considering it’s been a while since I last properly submitted. My head wasn’t quite in the right space, and I was worried my body wouldn’t cooperate. But of course, I needn’t have because I was dripping wet barely five minutes in.

Master had me stand to start, bent over the bed with my back arched. He blindfolded me, something I appreciated very much. Being blindfolded helps me get in the submissive headspace with ease as it reduces distractions and helps me focus. I was wearing a cute pair of micro shorts and they gave me a delectable bubble butt, something I was quite sure would drive Master crazy. And it worked. As he flogged and whipped me on the ass and pussy, he kept groping my ass and pushing his hard-on against me. The more I squealed, the harder he got.

Unfortunately, I kept breaking position as Master struck me, forgetting to keep the arch in my back the way he liked, swaying my weight from side to side as the flogger and dragon tongue whip struck the sensitive flesh at the sides of my butt and thighs. Master did not like that and clamped my nipples with the weighted clovers. “Maybe these will help you keep still,” he said before giving them each a push, causing them to swing and pull hard on my sensitive nipples. I gasped and endeavored to stay as still as possible. It worked, but only till Master brought out the harsher pain toy – the looped delrin paddle.

Oh, that was difficult. I started fidgeting again and I also started to make a lot of noise. Having not taken any pain in so long, it was challenging to suffer gracefully! That in itself is quite an oxymoron eh. Not wanting to disturb the neighbors, Master grabbed our new gag, a 3d printed silicone piece of art which fits securely inside the mouth, ensuring total silence, and stuffed it in me. (I will review this gag soon as it’s truly a thing of beauty.) With the gag securely lodged in my mouth, I could only make muffled moans as he hit me. Of course, I did my best to stay still… I didn’t want the clamps to swing too much! I was in so much pain it was beautiful. I’d missed the sensation!

At one point, Master shoved my small pink vibrator inside my shorts, drawing it up nice and snug against my needy clit. He turned it on low and it buzzed comfortingly against me. I haven’t cum in such a long time… Not since 24 February so it’s been seven weeks and two days. (The longest I’d gone without a clit orgasm in the past was seven weeks, so this is truly the longest run.) The bittersweet part is that I know I won’t be cumming from my clit anytime soon. Master still has to cuck me eight more times before I get any form of clitoral release and I’m quite sure that even then, he’s going to give me a ruined orgasm. He’s hinted at it.

Anyway, the vibration against my clit felt amazing… And gave me the strength to take more strokes without too much fuss. Just as I was starting to really enjoy the stimulation, Master removed the vibrator, and then he removed the clamp on my left nipple! Ouch! That hurt really bad. I screamed into the gag and he burst out laughing. What a prick. He gave me a few more strokes of the cane, I think, and then yanked the other clamp off. He kept tweaking my tortured nipples while laughing in my ear and rubbing his hard-on against my ass. He really can be quite the sadist when he’s in the mood.

“Spread your ass cheeks,” Master said. I knew what was coming. He started stretching my ass with his fingers, lubing it up nicely on the inside. Then, he pushed what I think was our smallest dildo in. It wasn’t much of a challenge and my ass swallowed it with ease. I felt something unfamiliar next. I put two and two together and figured he’d moved on to our new purple/yellow dildo and was using the top half to stretch me out. The new dildo has a nice gradual taper, so the middle of the dildo is probably about 5cm in diameter, the base 6.5cm. It is also ridged and felt quite heavenly in my ass. I came plenty, of course.

Master had me lie down on my back next, the dildo still lodged in my ass, and penetrated me in the pussy. It’s been sooooo long since he last fucked me in the pussy that I damn near came instantaneously. Still, I knew I wasn’t allowed pussy orgasms so I relaxed my muscles and avoided the build up. Master could tell when my orgasm was imminent and he quickly pulled out and replaced the dildo in my ass with his cock, much to my disappointment. I was nice and loose by that point, and he made a show of pointing it out, telling me how he can’t wait to fuck Ms D’s tight pussy. Honestly, I can’t wait to be cucked again too so I found myself agreeing with him wholeheartedly.

He flipped me over so I was lying on my belly and started pistoning his rock hard erection in and out of my ass. After two weeks of no anal action, it was quite difficult to take! My sphincter felt really sensitive, but I also found myself loving the discomfort. It’s kinda fucked up but I actually love it when our anal sex hurts a little. Not to the point of overstretching till I tear, of course, but I like it when it is a challenge. It makes me feel like a toy, manhandled for Master’s amusement and pleasure. Anyway, I soon felt Master penetrate me with the new dildo again, and this time he kept constant pressure on it against my ass. “Relax, it’s quite big so I’m not going to push too hard. If it goes in, it goes in. If it doesn’t, it’s fine,” Master said.

But of course my overzealous ass decided it was going to take it all, and I soon felt the large base of the dildo pop in, filling me up more than I’d ever been before. The pressure took some getting used to. I stayed very very still, forcing myself to relax and accommodate the intruder. Master was thrilled, to say the least. I’d proven myself his depraved fuck pig yet again. He made me suck him while the purple monster remained lodged deep in my ass, and once he was nice and hard, he removed the dildo and replaced it with our smallest one, asking me to hold it in position while he slid his cock in above it. I guess this is his favourite way to cum now, from double anal penetration. I love it, of course. I can’t cum, I can’t do anything but lie there and hold the dildo in position for him, feeling like nothing but a warm loose hole.

With the dildo still in my ass and Master’s warm cum slowly dribbling out of it, Master told me to flip over on my back, tossed me my vibrator and told me I’d earned 30 seconds of stimulation on my clit. Of course, I knew not to edge, not to cum, but I was so grateful for the clitoral attention. I felt myself creeping to the edge multiple times and had to lift the vibrator off my clit for a second or two before reapplying it. It was delicious. Do I miss cumming from my clit? Hell yes. I even miss just being able to edge. I would probably be thankful just for the opportunity to edge, honestly, even if I knew that it wouldn’t end with me cumming. But I know what I’ve given up. I made my bed and now I must lie in it, just like many of the other things I no longer have access to. Good god, I love it. Don’t feel sorry for me, I’m not!

After our scene, both Master and I were exhausted. We still aren’t in top form, for sure. Master didn’t fuck me as long nor as hard as he usually does. Covid has dramatically reduced his stamina for the time being. It’s just something we both have to build up again, but I’m so glad we played. So so glad. It feels really really good to be back in action!

A Weekend with Subzilla

Photo by Samuel Scrimshaw on Unsplash

This weekend has been a bit of whirlwind for me and Master. I discovered the cause of my migraine that I complained about in my previous post. It was hormones. I had the worst cramps the night that Master returned from Paris, and then I basically become Subzilla over the next two days.

My mistake was not telling Master that I was having PMS. I’d told him about the cramps, but I guess it didn’t register with him that I’d be suffering moodswings. It is true that I’m not always in a bad mood when I have my cramps and I guess I didn’t realise just how emotional I was till I was triggered. I really do feel bad having put Master through my hideous outbursts, but I have to give it to him. He handled me like a champ!

On Friday night, we had our first scene of the weekend. Master was very committed to stretching my ass as wide as he could that night. It did not take much warming up before he was able to insert his cock and the similar sized dildo in my ass at the same time. He then tried to penetrate my ass alongside the larger dildo (with a diameter of 4.5cm), but this proved to be too intense for me. He managed to get both in, but I had to ask him to back off after a few seconds. He decided not to push it, bearing in mind it was only Friday and we were probably going to play another two times over the course of the weekend.

I was pretty horny. The cucking scene had gone well on Wednesday night and we’d yet to wrap it up. As Master slapped his cock on my clit, an act that was actually quite painful, he taunted me with little tidbits of his night with Ms D before delivering this punchline – “Think about what you’ve lost.” That got my mind in a good humiliated cuckquean space, thinking about Ms D getting the tender clit attention while I got the abuse, and that this was the only form of clit attention I would receive that night.

My ass was very well-stretched by that point, having been double penetrated by all combination of cock and dildos we owned. When Master eventually stopped dick-slapping my clit and penetrated me, I did not feel much and I knew he would probably struggle to find friction. It was a quandary. I couldn’t cum, but neither could he.

At some point, he gave up, telling me that I was too loose to pleasure him, and to make up for my ineptitude by using my hands and mouth instead. I crawled between his thighs and took his cock in my warm mouth, using my hands to stroke him in tandem with my mouth, the way I knew he liked. I looked to him for some acknowledgement, but he’d picked up his smartphone and was busy scrolling, maybe surfing porn, maybe playing some online game… I had no clue.

What I did realise, however, was that this bothered me immensely. You would think that, being a cuckquean, I’d relish the feeling of being ignored or cast aside in play. But the truth is, I hated it. Honestly, this is a scene that has played out too often with my ex-dominant and I strongly disliked the memories it brought back and also the accompanying negativity. Yet, I also knew what Master was trying to achieve, it was just another form of humiliation. I got it, so I tried to get into it.

I worked hard, I really did, but he was losing his erection. (I really think he was on Reddit, not porn.) Anyway, he pushed me down on my belly, told me off in a disgusted tone of voice for having to do everything himself, and then proceeded to fuck my ass till he came. The time-out had allowed my ass to regain some tension, so while I still couldn’t get enough friction to cum, Master could. This part was hot, I really enjoy it when he uses my ass to get off, but by that point, I couldn’t shake off the bad mojo from the previous segment.

During our debrief, I damn near chewed off his ear telling him how that part of the scene had made me feel. He told me it had not been his intention to make me feel lousy, it had been meant to humiliate me further. Rationally, I knew this, but emotionally, I could not let go of the negative feelings. I blame the hormones but I was pretty unmanageable that night. I flat out refused to sleep in the closet, haha.

I do credit Master for being possibly the most patient man alive. He knew it was the hormones speaking, I was super aggressive and I did not sound like myself at all. He just kept repeating that he’d heard me, he wouldn’t recreate that scene again, and asked what he could do or say to make me feel better. After an hour or so, I’d finally calmed down and I apologised for my outburst.

We discussed my trigger and came to the conclusion that I require connection and engagement when we play – a lot of it. Humiliation only works when I feel humiliated, not angry. And for that, he could not ignore me. If he had used his words and gaze to humiliate me for having too loose an ass to pleasure him, thus my task of getting him off with my hands and mouth, that would have been hot. I also shared with him that cuckqueaning for me CANNOT lead to me being less desired. If anything, I need to feel even more desired after each cucking, even if it doesn’t play out with a traditional pleasure-focused scene. Again, we’re still learning and figuring things out, and this was an important lesson.

Saturday went a lot better for the two of us. We had a really intense scene in the afternoon followed by a nice dinner at a bouchon lyonnais across the street. Master could tell that I was feeling a lot less submissive because of my hormones, which we had by this point acknowledged. However, I was still horny and I badly wanted to be manhandled and forced into physical submission. It was the mental submissive headspace which remained rather inaccessible, no matter how hard I tried. As a result, we focused on the physical for this scene, with a bit of cuckqueaning humiliation brought in for extra fun.

He started by giving me some impact. I had bought a couple of new impact toys for his birthday – a flogger, a dragon tail whip and a short thick delrin cane. He used all three on me, but eventually gravitated to the cane as it’s the easiest to wield for the maximum amount of pain. I will admit this was very welcome. I needed to get out of my own head and the pain was a nice focus. As he hit me, he told me to think about the difference in treatment between me and Ms D. She got all the nice touches, the clitoral attention, the focus on her pleasure. I got the pain. That was hot.

Master told me to lie on my back, hugging my knees to my chest. He lubed up my ass with my overflowing pussy juice before sticking the smaller of our two dildos in it. It went in with zero resistance, none at all. Master started telling me that my ass was looser than Ms D’s pussy and that soon, I wouldn’t be able to pleasure him with it at all. Of course I felt like telling him that this was nobody’s fault but his, seeing as his new hobby was inserting anything and everything up my ass at the same time, but I kept my mouth shut. See, I can control myself when I have to.

It wasn’t long before Master was double penetrating me in the ass yet again with the same dildo. I felt him reach for the larger dildo and I forced myself to relax as best as I could. It took a little bit of manoeuvring but he managed to make it fit along with his cock. This time, it was a lot easier to take. I still felt filled and stretched beyond belief so I had him stop moving for a while in order to get accustomed to the sensation. Ater a minute or two, I gave him the cue to start moving slowly. He managed to fuck me with the large dildo in my ass for a little… Perhaps a minute. Eventually, I had to ask him to withdraw for the discomfort was quickly becoming overwhelming. Still, it was progress!

My favourite part of the scene was the end, when Master came in my ass. He inserted the smaller dildo into me while I was lying face down on the bed and told me to hold it in place. I shoved my arms under my torso and grabbed hold of the base of the dildo with my fingers on either side of my pussy. I was so wet and slick it was honestly difficult to get a grip. I hoped I wouldn’t slip up at the last moment and ruin Master’s pleasure. That would be funny, wouldn’t it? Lol. Maybe not so much, hehe.

Anyway, with me holding onto the dildo, Master slipped his cock in on top of it so the bottom of his cock was rubbing against the length of the dildo as he fucked me. That was… possibly the hottest thing we have done in a while. I could not cum at all because the dildo was stationery in my ass and I think I need stimulation on the front wall of my rectum for any orgasm to happen. I just felt really full and really used. I lay there, mostly silent except for the occasional whimper, feeling like a sex doll. Master fucked me really hard this way until he finally came in my ass. When he slid his cock out, his cum snaked down the length of the dildo, pooling at the base. He told me to walk to the shower with the dildo still in my ass and only to remove it when I was safely in it. Haha!

After our scene, we cuddled for a long while before getting dressed and heading to the bouchon lyonnais, a typical small homely Lyonnais restaurant, for dinner. I was well fucked and pretty satiated in the kink department, but let’s not forget I was still prickly as fuck. The night ended with us having a very very long talk about our dynamic and cuckqueaning. We are still honoring the contract, for sure, but we acknowledged that I need a few things we hadn’t realised before.

For starters, he’s given me the right to call a pause to our dynamic when I feel the onset of PMS. We’ll still play, but certain things will be paused, like sleeping in the closet, service-oriented submission. Basically, I get a time-off for a maximum of three days per month, if the need arises. If my PMS is manageable, as it sometimes is, I don’t have to activate this. Still, it’s comforting to have this option, and on Master’s end, it’s also a small cost to avoid facing Subzilla again. I also now have the option to pause the cuckqueaning dynamic for a period of a week, mainly to be activated if the previous week’s cucking was especially emotional.

We also realised that I cannot deal with being compared to Ms D in ways that are non-physical/sexual. It’s hot for me when Master highlights the difference in sexual treatment between me and her, or even between our bodies, but it’s not hot when he talks about her successes as a person, or how much he admires her. It’s not that I don’t think she’s impressive, I’m sure she is. I guess I just prefer to think of her as a sexual competitor and nothing else. It might also be that I harbour some self-esteem issues from being his full-time slave, having once been in a high-earning profession. I suppose this will change over time as I come to let go of my own hang-ups that are fueled by societal pressures. But for now, I really can’t deal with this form of jealousy.

Master has been absolutely patient and stellar in dealing with his Subzilla this weekend. I’m still a little touchy today, but the edge has definitely gone away. I’m going to be a lot better with monitoring my period calendar and identifying red zones in future.

Psst… For those of you who think Master is very lucky to have me, I am quite a handful, as you can see. LOL!

A Big Step Forward in Cuckqueaning

Photo by Evie S. on Unsplash

Master headed up to Paris yesterday yet again, mostly for work but also for pleasure. He would meet Ms D for the second time last night, and he was most definitely excited. After their first night together, Master has told me time and again that Ms D has the tightest body he has ever fucked. I’ve seen pictures so I know this to be true. But more importantly, on top of the physical which can only go so far, Master finds her to be very interesting as a person. On our end, we’d ironed out the nitty gritty and we were ready to give cuckqueaning another spin.

Unfortunately, the stars never align and I woke up yesterday morning with a splitting headache that quickly evolved into a bad migraine. Since I’ve been writing, I’m more aware of how often these hit me, and it looks like I’m getting two attacks two weeks apart. This part isn’t relevant to my recount, but it has got me a little worried. Anyway, despite my migraine, I told myself I would try and do whatever I’d set out to do that day, and that I would also commit myself to completing the tasks that Master had set for me last night.

In order to ensure I was engaged while being cucked, Master had sent me a list of tasks to complete. The first was that I was to don my nipple clamps at the start of their dinner. I would be allowed to remove them when they reached their room. The second was to write a letter of appreciation to Ms D for pleasing Master, also taking care to point out the things she could give him that I could not. The third was to stretch my ass with the two dildos we own, taking a video of myself for their viewing pleasure. Finally, I was to write the sentence “piggy is a depraved slave that deserves only to have Master destroy its ass” 100 times. I was to do this on my tablet, and of course Master had warned me against simply copying and pasting.

And so the night began. At 8pm, I received the instruction to apply my clamps and also to put myself in the closet to get in the right space. I did as tasked and waited in silence in the closet, door pulled shut before me, for Master’s next text. It came about fifteen minutes later. They’d started eating, he’d informed, and I could exit the closet. I can’t say I did much apart from sitting with the pain. I’d chosen the clover clamps, like I did the last time, but I wore them for a fair bit longer than previously. Last time, I had them on for between 30-40 minutes. This time, it was close to an hour before I received a text from Master instructing me to remove the left clamp and to focus on the pain while he took his shower. The next text came about ten minutes later and I have never been so glad to remove clamps before. Of course they hurt like a bitch coming off, but they had been getting pretty unbearable before.

Master’s text also informed me that was going to start his scene with Ms D and I was to get cracking on my tasks. It was about 9.15pm by that point, and I started writing my thank-you letter to Ms D. Here’s what I came up with:

Dear Ms D,

I have been tasked to pen you a thank-you letter, and while I probably shouldn’t start the letter saying so, Master has asked that I be quite honest in my expression of gratitude – something, left to my own devices, I would probably shy away from. I recognize that some, or perhaps a lot, of my kinks rely heavily on my suffering. For this reason, I tend not to impose them on others, for fear of putting the recipient in an awkward situation, feeling uneasily responsible for my pain. Before I move into the letter proper, please know that this is not my intention in the least. If anything, I thank you wholly for being a contributor.

With that said, I would like to thank you, Ms D, wholeheartedly, for pleasing my Master tonight. As I sit here with my nipples sore and aching from close to an hour in clamps, I cannot help but feel immense jealousy at the pleasure the both of you will find in each other tonight. He has been looking forward to meeting you since the first time you played together, and I do not question why. He told me that you have the tightest body he has ever held in his hands before. I have no hang ups about my body, but I also know how to admit defeat when I see it in the face. My lackadaisical attitude towards exercise, coupled with my overzealous attitude towards food, do not a ‘tight’ figure make.

There are other things Master engages in with you that he no longer partakes of with me anymore, or at least not more than once a year. It’s not so much that I cannot provide them, but being denied them keeps me in the submissive head-space I crave, and that Master adores. So, thank you, truly, for giving Master the opportunity to pleasure a real woman, something both Master and I agree I am not. Thank you for your soft lips that he adores making out with, your pussy that he enjoys going down on, fingering and fucking. I miss these acts, but I acknowledge these are not acts Master wishes to engage in with his slave, and I am grateful he can enjoy them with you.

One last thing. I thank you, sincerely, for your interest in my dynamic with Master, for your interest in me, and for being absolutely stellar in navigating the situation maturely. My heart is at ease knowing Master is with you. I do look very much forward to meeting you one day, but only after you and Master know each other a tonne better, and also only after you fully embrace the fact that I have no desire to be treated as an equal to you. Truthfully, my belief that you are superior and that I am inferior helps me greatly in my desire to be cucked by you.

My warmest regards,


I thought I did a pretty good job. It’s warm without too much groveling. I know that when I used to domme, I appreciated a submissive with a mind of his own. I found groveling in the wrong context to be very much a turn off, and that was certainly not how I wished to appear. I wanted her to know that I have a mind of my own, that my circumstance is entirely consensual and desired. I also wanted her to know that I defer to her by choice, not because of low self-esteem or any lack of confidence on my part. It seems she liked my letter very much. I am pleased.

When I was done and had sent the letter off to Master via text, I got started on my next task – anal stretching. So anal stretching is a somewhat new kink that Master and I have been engaging in. I’m not absolutely new to it; we’ve done it a handful of times in the past, but I’ve certainly never been religious about it. It seems a wonderful addition to my degradation, though. After Master spends a few minutes stretching my ass, a process that’s getting quicker and easier by the day, I lose the ability to clench tightly on his cock and attain an anal orgasm. If the stretching is done slowly, I don’t cum much from it either, which leads to me truly being used for Master’s pleasure with little regard for my own.

The whole process took me perhaps ten minutes, first with the smaller dildo similar in size to Master’s cock, and then to the larger dildo which gives me a nice gape. I made sure to thrust it in and out of my ass many times for the camera, putting on a good show for Master and Ms D’s pleasure. When I was done, I inserted my butt plug and turned it on to vibrate, with the intention of keeping it in while I wrote my lines. I sent the video off the Master and promptly got started.

The last task took me the longest amount of time to complete. I love taking notes on my tablet as it’s easy to annotate pdfs, but writing on a glass screen is not the easiest. I ended up having to erase and rewrite many words to ensure they were neat and legible. By the time Master was done with play, I’d only written 37 lines. I spent another hour on the rest of the 62 lines, by which time Master was leaving Ms D’s apartment. The timing was perfect, really. We texted while he was in his Uber back to his room for the night, and we had a nice video call after.

Honestly, I think the night went extremely well. I was kept busy working on my tasks throughout, so my brain didn’t have much opportunity to go on an emotional roller-coaster of insecurity. However, I can’t say that I was devoid of jealousy. It was ever-present. I just didn’t have much time to feed it too much. That said, I did notice that my enthusiasm had waned dramatically by the time the night was through, despite it having been only four hours. I wasn’t sure why, but I communicated this to Master and shared that I needed time to process and decide if I wanted to continue being cucked this way. I thought, perhaps, it was the long-distance set up that might not be doing it for me. Master assured me my decision would be respected, but asked that I sleep on it first. And so I did.

I gave the matter a lot of thought before falling asleep, and some more in the morning. And then I had a bit of an epiphany. I realized that I’d been chasing the wrong thing with the cucking scenes. I’d been chasing a sexual high the entire time, but the truth was that no matter how well the scene went, I’d always be riddled with jealousy and negative thoughts by the end of it. The real “high” was to be found in the pre and post scenes Master and I had around the cucking, and the actual cucking itself was more a test of my obedience, dedication and discipline. I realized that there were many rules in our dynamic that didn’t always gel with me. Sleeping in the closet, for starters. Wearing my chastity belt 24/7. Giving up pussy pleasure for good. All of these were difficult, and I’d whined about each and every rule at some point or another, but the fact that they were out of my control forced me to accept and grow comfortable with them.

So today, I shared my thought process with Master and told him that as long as I retained control over cuckqueaning, I was definitely going to choose the easy way out. I am a sucker for suffering, yes, but there are moments when clearer heads prevail and what was once sexy no longer is. I knew what I had to do. I had to rescind my control over being cucked. This was always my ideal, but I retained my safeword at Master’s request because of how unsafe the kink was to my emotional state. I found myself at a crossroads of sorts. Either I retain control with the knowledge that I was very soon going to put an end to something that was complimentary to our dynamic, out of fear and other selfish reasons. Or I could give up said control and trust that Master will continue to abide by the boundaries we’ve set up together over the past few weeks. The decision was a simple one.

I proposed a three month contract during which I give up all veto power against Master seeing Ms D. The boundaries, if you’re interested, are that he sees her no more than one evening a week, does not stay over, has a video call with me as aftercare, preps me for the cucking, gives me tasks to keep me engaged while being cucked, and returns for a nice wrap up scene with me. So long as these are met, I opted not to have any control over whether or not I should be cucked. The answer is yes, I should. I have come to the realization that this is an important contributor to my ongoing degradation and dehumanization process. Taking it away puts things on easy mode, and that’s not how I like to play.

On Master’s approval, I wrote up the contract, listing all the rules, rituals and protocols we have in place, both pertaining to our lifestyle and cuckqueaning. It starts tomorrow. I feel, maybe not so surprisingly, at peace. At least now I know that even if I should suffer, it’s not my call to make it stop. And if I do suffer, it’s because it’s what Master wants, as with every other detail in our dynamic. This was the last bit of control I had retained and it feels fucking good to give it up.

Stretched to the max!

Photo by Deon Black on Unsplash

Master has been changing up the way we play of late and I absolutely love it. Our play typically revolves around some form of pain play, rough face fucking and a lot of anal pounding. For a long time now, it has been more or less always in that order. I guess there’s something quite meditative about pain play that we always start off with it, whether it’s solely impact or impact with a dose of something else, like clamps or electroplay. I can space quite easily with regular hard impact strokes, especially with thuddy implements and canes. I often take these while in a bentover position, honor bound to stay still, so the whole process is quite ritualistic.

This weekend, though, Master decided to shake things up. On Saturday, he threw me in the small closet for about fifteen minutes, always a nice way to get me in the mood while he picks out the toys he wants to use on me. When he pulled me out of the closet, he immediately had me kneel and suck him. Some face fucking ensued till he was nice and hard and I was choking on his cock. Then he had me get into what I best describe as the yoga pose, child’s pose, on the bed… Knees apart, butt to ankles, face and chest flat on the mattress, hands stretched out beyond my head, palms flat on the mattress as well.

I thought he was going to start giving me pain, but instead he started fingering my ass quite roughly and spanking my clit and pussy with his other hand. My goodness, was I wet. While thrusting his fingers deep in my ass, he started taunting me for having such a loose ass that he had zero difficulty getting all his fingers in. He reminded me that he can’t wait to fuck Ms D’s tight pussy this coming week, and of course that made me cream even more. By the time he shoved his cock in my ass, it was so warmed up there was no resistance. The humiliation continued with Master comparing my loose ass to Ms D’s tight pussy.

I figured we were going to focus on anal play for the scene, so color me surprised when he started paddling me with the delrin loop while balls deep in my ass, me lying face down on the bed. It was quite the experience to take pain while simultaneously being ass fucked. “Looks like this is what I need to do to make your ass tighter,” Master exclaimed. I hadn’t noticed, but it was true that I clenched my ass on his cock every time he hit me. That scene continued with him raining blows on my ass and thighs, fucking my ass and throat interchangeably. I felt like a piece of meat, for real, being tossed about, turned and orientated to suit his needs. He finished off on my face before sending me to clean myself up. Hot!

Today, I cleaned up our dildos for our scene, as requested. I brought two with me from Singapore. One is about the same size as Master in girth, but slightly shorter at 7″. The other is pretty thick, about 1.8″ in girth and also about 7″ long. I’ve been able to take it in the past with some warm up, but it’s never been very easy. Anyway, we started the scene with me in the closet again (starting to see a pattern here), and then he had me bend over the bed and hold my ass cheeks apart to start. He rubbed his cock along the length of my pussy, pushing it in just about halfway to lube himself up, then entered my ass quickly. Because of all the anal fucking we’ve been doing, this was easy for me to take.

He fucked me like this for a while before withdrawing and replacing his cock with the smaller dildo. It went in easily too. I guess he figured I needed a challenge so he swapped it out for the larger dildo, but guess what.. My ass swallowed that one too. Lol. Master started thrusting it in and out of my ass, focusing on stretching the entrance to my asshole, a sensation I quite enjoy because I can feel it pop in and out. He continued to stretch my ass with the large dildo and then his fingers for a bit, and then I heard him lubing something up, a lot of pressure at the entrance to my ass, followed by the sensation of being extremely filled up. Master had inserted his cock and the smaller dildo (same size as him) at the same time. I was being double penetrated in the ass!

Master told me to put my knees on the bed and to spread my ass cheeks with my hands. It was a little finicky as he started fucking me as the dildo kept threatening to slide out, so I held it in place as he fucked me hard. Wow, that was quite something. I wasn’t in any pain, but my ass felt stretched to the max. At some point, he removed the dildo and replaced it with his fingers. He could get all four fingers in around his cock while he pounded me. It felt amazing. He started humiliating me for having a loose ass, yet again, and made me tell him when he’d be getting Ms D’s tight pussy. “Wednesday night, Master, Wednesday night.” My head was all sorts of places by that point. I was thanking him for wrecking my one usable hole so he had more reason to appreciate Ms D’s tight pussy and ass. I felt like a fuck toy that he pushed to the limit, no care nor concern for keeping me tight, destroying my ass just because he could.

When he eventually had me lie face down on the bed and entered my ass with just his cock, I could hardly feel him and I knew he had to feel the same. I felt wrecked. I was sobbing into the duvet, apologizing for my useless hole. He, of course, was laughing and taunting me for being such a depraved useless pig. And so we continued, him shoving the dildo back in alongside his cock so I’d be tight enough for him to feel something. In this position with me face down, the dildo sat nicely against his pubic mound just above his cock and he was able to thrust hard alongside the dildo. I don’t know if it was from being overwhelmed or just from struggling to take the sheer size of what was in me, but I couldn’t cum from my ass at all. I have to admit I quite liked that, and I voiced it to Master. I felt like a fuck pig and thanked him for paying my pleasure no attention at all.

As though in response to this, Master pulled out and told me to flip over onto my back and hold my knees to my chest. He started spanking my exposed clit and pussy hard, bringing tears to my eyes. He taunted me more, telling me that this was what I deserved while Ms D would be the one enjoying his tongue, his fingers, the vibrator on her clit. Me? All I got was pain. I was so far gone at this point I think I was just mindlessly thanking him on repeat for ruining me. This time, he finished in my ass. I was surprised he could, since I definitely could feel him a lot less than usual.

It’s been a few hours since we fucked but my ass still has the nice sensation of being fucked and stretched hard. I’ve asked Master to continue stretching my ass please. I really do like the humiliation of being his loose piggy, feeding my cuckqueaning kink of him getting better tighter pussy elsewhere. This week should be fun with Master seeing Ms D for the second time. We’ve discussed tasks for me to do while he’s with her and we’ll have our call after to round up the scene. I’m hopeful for a good cucking experience so that I can truly start embracing my new life. ❤️

Cucked by Ms D Part 1

Photo by armina arhm on Unsplash

Master is having dinner with Ms D right now. They just met, and I received the instruction from Master to put on my nipple clamps. He will inform her of them at some point through dinner and she will decide when I get to remove them. I felt ambitious so rather than go with the easy rubber tipped clamps on a chain, I selected the clover clamps with weights. Master said he likes it when I am ambitious. I hope I don’t live to regret this.

The pain helps me focus. It cuts through all the emotional hoops and gives me something tangible to focus on – my poor nipples. I’m sitting as still as I can so as not to make the weights swing too much, so I’m typing this out on my smartphone rather than on my computer. Master told me to be prepared to keep them on for long, and I’m secretly hoping I’ll get to suffer throughout their dinner. The knowledge that I’m in pain while they’re getting to know each other and flirting is such a turn on.

This will be the third time that Master is cucking me in a month. This time feels a lot easier. I think I’ve finally got used to Master taking his weekly trips to Paris. Before these, we’d never spent nights apart at all, so they certainly took some getting used to. I think I’ve also learnt to embrace my role as Master’s cuckquean slave with a lot more grace than before. I guess Master was right when he said that I would get used to it, just as I’ve got used to wearing the chastity belt and now my collar 24/7, just as I’ve got used to going without vaginal sex and clitoral stimulation, just as I will also get used to sleeping in Master’s closet.

Last night, Master prepped me for today’s cucking by having me worship his feet and then his cock. Foot worship is something that we only recently started doing, when I begged Master to “officially” deny me certain things. Over time, Master had already stopped engaging in these acts with me as part of my training to be his anal-only fuck pig, but he never made it known that they were off the table, so I sought some clarification. The acts I’m no longer eligible for are pussy fucking (obviously), fingering of my pussy, cunnilingus, and making out with Master. Instead, I get fingered and fucked in the ass, and I get to make out with Master’s feet. 🥺 (There’s no substitute for cunnilingus, sadly.)

I love making out with Master’s feet because it makes me feel so low and so small. It’s still winter here so it’s pretty cold. I usually get under the duvet and lay myself diagonal to Master, my face where his feet are. There, I kiss, lick and suck till Master nudges me to tell me to switch foot, or that he’s had enough. He always laughs, whenever I am done, that my face smells like his feet. No wonder he won’t kiss me! While making out with Master’s feet, I like to imagine him making out with other women. Master is a passionate kisser and it must feel so very nice to make out with him. It’s a pity I no longer deserve such pleasures.

When I was done, Master hugged me close and started teasing me by telling me what he would do to Ms D today. He said he hasn’t licked a pussy in a long time and he’s looking forward to doing that. Of course that made me squirm and gush. To drive his point home, he brought his fingers up against my chastity shield, right where my clit was, and gave it a little push. I couldn’t feel anything but my mind could imagine how it might feel if the shield weren’t present. I miss the attention, I really do, but again, I know I no longer deserve such pleasures.

I asked Master if I could suck his cock and he agreed, so I slid under the covers and gently sucked on his cock till I felt him grow in my mouth. He’d shared that he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to perform, having a very high pressure meeting the following morning. His mind was on work and it was difficult for him to get it off work, but I set my mind to try. I got between his legs and started alternating between using my hand and mouth on his cock and deepthroating him. It wasn’t too long before he got very hard, and I emerged from under the covers and told him, in a playful manner, “Master, it doesn’t look like you have any trouble getting hard.” He laughed, unlocked my chastity belt and we had intense anal sex.

I knew Master still wasn’t sure if he’d be able to orgasm, but he pounded me hard regardless, knowing full well that I needed it that night, especially before a cucking scene the next day. But guess what? Maybe it was the combination of my wailing and my tears, but he came. Hard. Of course, I was a proud little piggy and it showed. On my end, I thoroughly enjoyed the pounding, especially when it provided a nice respite from the migraine I had been nursing since the morning. Master didn’t slap me in this scene nor shake my head around too much as he didn’t want to make it worse, but the fucking sure helped, at least for the time we fucked.

As we lay in bed cuddling, Master suggested that I sleep in my piggy bed that night, rather than wait till the following night. I must have looked surprised at his suggestion as he asked if I was up for it. I’ll admit that I had to think it over a little. On one hand, I wanted to sleep with Master the night before he left for Paris, but on the other, I knew that sleeping in my piggy bed was a good practice and would help keep me in a good space. So I agreed, and I asked to be tucked in after we’d cuddled a little bit more.

When Master was ready to turn the lights off, he headed off to use the restroom a last time and told me to enjoy the last few minutes in his bed. I felt at peace when I heard that, for some reason. When he got back to the bedroom, I was ready with my pillow in hand. He opened the closet door and I climbed inside and got comfortable. He gave me a kiss on the forehead and then shut the doors, leaving them ajar so that airflow wouldn’t be an issue. I didn’t sleep very well last night, a mixture of sleeping in a new bed and also managing my migraine pain which had returned with a vengeance. But my heart was at peace, I felt like I was exactly where I should be.

This morning, before Master left, I shared with him that I had struggled to sleep last night. He replied that I would get used to it, but that I might get to share his bed when he returns on Thursday. ❤️ Annnddd I just received a little voice message from Ms D permitting me to remove my clamps. It sounds like their dinner is going well and I’m going to channel happy thoughts and good feelings to get me through the rest of the night.

I’m in a happy space!

I am happy.

In the past two days, Master has called me into his office to suck him off when he was ready to cum. So this is the compromise. Master still enjoys his me-time touching himself while surfing porn, and when he’s about ready to cum, he calls me in to finish him off, all the while still perusing porn as though I’m not there. I squeeze myself under his desk and remain as unobtrusive as I can while working hard on making him cum with my mouth and hands. I’m happy to report that I did a superb job both times so I will be used this way more often. I’m not really sure what I find hotter – Master using me as a sextoy or being told to get out once I’ve cleaned his cock with my mouth. 🤔

And then there was tonight. We played hard. I knew it was coming since we always have one intense scene every Sunday before the workweek starts. It’s a great way for Master to unwind and clear his head before Monday. So at 9.30pm sharp, I was kneeling on the bed in wait. Music was playing from my computer speakers and there were three implements on the bed that I’d been tasked to select. As usual, being a sucker for pain, I’d gone with three I knew would be difficult to take, but which I adored – the thick rattan cane, the sadistick (a flexible metal rod with a rubber tip that you pull back and release with force), and the looped delrin paddle.

When Master entered, he told me to stand at the edge of the bed with my hands on it, back arched. This was the first position – bend – and I was to remember it. Then he starting spanking me, hard enough for me to realize he was warming me up. Next, he reached for the delrin paddle and started using it on my ass and the backs of my upper thighs. Mmm I have to admit I really love it when he hits my thighs. They hurt so badly and mark so brilliantly after. When we were still in Singapore, I used to take regular pole dance lessons so I’d begged Master to go light on my thighs as I didn’t want to have to explain the marks to my teacher and classmates. It feels liberating to know that here, I can wear purple bruises down my legs and no one would be any the wiser.

I have no clue how many strokes I took but I knew I would have nice marks from the delrin paddle. Then, Master picked up the rattan cane and told me to start counting. Swish. Un, Master. Swish. Deux, Master. And this continued until he stopped. I saw through the reflection in the glass of the window that he’d picked up his mobile phone. I thought he was taking a picture of me, but he was taking very long. I was perplexed but I didn’t move. Suddenly, he placed his mobile phone on the bed, right below my face. There was a picture on the screen of a very beautiful woman. It only showed the bottom half of her face and her lips were gorgeous. And her body… My god. Tight with beautiful breasts. Not big and fake like mine were, but pear shaped, firm and a good size.

“You know who that is, don’t you?” Master asked. Yes, yes indeed I did. It was Ms D, the lady Master sees this Wednesday in Paris. He told me she’d sent him a few pictures to taunt me with. Well, it worked. Taunted, I was. I like my body, but I was nowhere as tight as she was. Clearly, she worked out a lot more than I did. Her tummy was taut, her nails beautifully done, her make up flawless. She made me feel kind of frumpy, truth be told. “Isn’t she gorgeous?” he asked again, as he picked up his mobile phone to swipe to the next picture. This one was taken from the top down, she was lying on the floor on her side, clad in very sexy black panties and sexy black heels. Again, her body was perfection.

Then, the strokes restarted. “Keep your eyes on the picture as you count. Don’t you dare look away.” Yes Master. He alternated the cane with the sadistick, not stopping till I’d reached trente (thirty). The last few strokes were delivered quickly in succession and I barely managed to stay in position with my feet planted flat on the ground. I knew that lifting them would only result in more punishment. I definitely could have taken more, but I guess Master felt it was time to take my ass, so he ordered me to kneel before informing me that this was the second position. OK, I could keep up so far. I sucked his cock, feeling it swell and harden in my mouth, then throat, feeling him push it deep in my throat as he held the back of my head down against him. He only released me when I started gagging.

“Lie down with your head off the edge of the bed.” As I quickly assumed the position, Master informed me this was the third position – edge. He fucked my throat like this for awhile, only letting me breathe when I started gagging or choking. I love being used this way. Yes, it is sexual and maybe not really bdsm play, but I love being dominated through face fucking and anal sex. Perhaps it’s more the cognizance that these are the only ways Master uses me, rather than the physical acts themselves, that make me feel absolutely submissive. Engaging in them reminds me that I’m just an anal-only fuck pig. My pleasure doesn’t matter when we fuck, only Master’s does. Master uses my ass because it’s his preferred hole, and I’m lucky I can cum from it, but it wouldn’t change a thing if I couldn’t.

I’m on my period right now so I had a tampon up my pussy. Master didn’t show my clit nor pussy any attention today. Sometimes, he slaps his cock against my clit to tease it, or pushes himself inside my sloppy pussy to lubricate his cock. Today, all he did was rub his cock outside my pussy and it lubed him up well enough to take me up the ass. And he did, missionary style at first so he could choke me while fucking me. Of course I started begging for permission to cum and then came lots. Then, “bend,” Master called. For a moment, I was lost. It didn’t mean anything to me, and then I remembered. I quickly got into the first position, standing with my hands on the bed, back arched. “You’re such a stupid piggy, aren’t you?” Master berated before picking up the delrin paddle and giving me a couple of hard swats on the ass. He plunged his cock into my ass while I was still tensed from the pain. It was quite splendid.

He fucked me really long and really hard, making me face fuck myself in between. His cock never entered my pussy once and it was like my clit didn’t even exist. When I was lying on my belly with him on top of me, his cock deep in my ass, he reminded me that this is the only way I’m fucked now. All the (pussy and clit) orgasms, the pussy fucking, the pleasure, they go to proper women, not pigs like me. After Master finally came, we cuddled for a bit, hugging each other tight and whispering words of love and endearment. I asked him why all the women he’s hooked up with in France have been so insanely hot. He laughed and said I should be happy that when he’s not using his piggy, he’s enjoying some top shelf quality ladies. I had a fleeting thought that that made me bottom shelf stuff. The stuff you have often enough because it’s cheap and easily available, but lacking the refinement and pleasure of the high-end top shelf products. Yes, he was right, and I could get behind that idea.

I talked a little bit about the importance of the pre-cucking scene for me. Today was absolutely spot on. As I took pain while staring at Ms D’s perfect body, I felt put in place. What right did I have to deny Master the pleasure of such perfection when I had no basis for comparison? Of course he should enjoy himself with her, and I’m happy to say that whatever jealousy I felt was immensely hot. Oh, and also, my bed in the closet is to be used for the first time that night. While Master is away in the arms of Ms D, I am to sleep in my pet bed, off Master’s bed, and use the opportunity to reflect on my new role in life – his frequently cucked piggy slave. The belt went back on after I cleaned myself up, further cementing the fact that Master gave zero fucks about my pleasure. Of course I do get pleasure from being treated this way, but clit orgasms… God I miss them.

(To Ms D, if you’re reading, thank you so much for the pictures. They really contributed to an amazing scene. And thank you, also, so much for being my Master’s muse. I truly hope that you will find great pleasure in your play with him. I am both humbled and honored at being allowed this little glimpse of your gorgeous body, and I have no doubt Master will relish his time with you.)

My Fondest Cuckqueaning Scene

Today, I was asked whether I’ve ever participated in a cuckqueaning scene, or have I always been in another room or not in the same place at all. Truth is, yes I have. Multiple times, in fact. I just never wrote much about them because most didn’t quite check my boxes. Most of the women who wanted me present were either keen on threesomes, looking to be co-dominated by me and Master, or interesting in subbing alongside me. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with these permutations. I still enjoyed each and every one of these scenes, even if the cuckqueaning was simply implied or something for Master and I to pick up on after the lady had left.

There was, however, one lady who was very interested in our dynamic and equally interested in topping and humiliating me. We only had one scene with her before the pandemic hit and my country went into lockdown. By the time restrictions lifted, we had drifted too far to pick up where we left off, so we stayed friends but didn’t play again. I’m going to be writing this from memory and while my recount will be based on what really happened, I will be tweaking some parts to neaten the delivery, because, here’s the thing, her ideas were fantastic, but she wasn’t an experienced domme at all so the execution was a little flawed. Let’s just say that I’ll be remembering this scene as fondly as I can.

This was early 2020. I’d just started exploring cuckqueaning with Master. We’d been seeing each other a year by that point so I felt like I was ready to give it a go with him. Master had a couple of play partners, and my very first cuckqueaning scene was with one of them. She came over to play with and fuck Master, knowing full well I was home and in the next room. Mid way through their scene, I was allowed to step in to see her. She had a blindfold on so I couldn’t see her face, nor could she mine. Still, that image of her tied up on the bed, her legs tied spread and her pussy pointed right at me, will probably remain in my memory forever.

Anyway, my second cuckqueaning experience with Master involved someone he’d met here on fl. She was an expatriate, like him, and identified as a switch. She was very keen to play with the two of us and relished the idea of being a cuckcake. That evening, she arrived dressed in (I kid you not) a very hot black latex dress. This was in Singapore, mind you, with temperatures averaging thirty degrees Celsius. So kudos to her, she looked stunning and it was obvious that Master thought so to.

After the formalities, I scurried off to prepare and serve dinner. While I was banging around in the kitchen, I thought I heard the faint sound of moaning. But with the whir of the oven in the background, I wasn’t sure. I peeked through the small glass window in the kitchen door and, sure enough, spotted Master and Ms K, her name, making out on the sofa. I have no clue whether they fucked or not, I couldn’t see much and the oven had dinged. When I emerged from the kitchen with dinner, Master strutted over to me, a smirk on his face, and held up a used condom. He only disposed of it after making sure I fully understood what it meant. I remember wishing he’d made me swallow the contents, like I usually did when we played, but I knew he was being careful not to push me too far in front of someone new.

So we had dinner. It was delicious and there was a lot of chatting and flirting at the table. Ms K was sitting bare assed on her chair, as Master had asked her to. She had also taken off her dress by this point and was sitting across me in a black latex bra and short latex skirt. Distracting, to say the least. Once we were done with dinner, Ms K and Master took a shower together while I did the dishes. I remember hearing a lot of laughter and moans coming from the shower. I was pretty sure they fucked again, and when they emerged, I was standing as instructed, naked from the waist down, standing with my legs spread on top of one of the dining chairs. I was also facing away from the bathroom so I could only hear them when they emerged.

I was so excited that I was already extremely wet, my pussy juice snaking down my thigh and threatening to create a wet patch on the seat of the chair. I had no idea what Ms K had in mind, but I knew she wanted the chance to top me. She pulled out a small jade ball from her handbag and showed it to me. It had a string attached to it and it looked weighty. As though reading my mind, she gave it a little toss before catching it in her palm and announcing to me that it was indeed quite heavy. She then told me she was going to see how tight my pussy was because hers was so tight she could milk a man to orgasm just by clenching and unclenching, her words, not mine. I was so wet that as hard as I tried, I could not keep the jade ball for long in my pussy. I wasn’t allowed to close my legs though I felt that would have made the task a little bit more achievable. But I guess my failure was the idea because it gave her the fodder she needed to mock me for my loose pussy, and mock me she did.

They told me to follow them as they adjourned to the bedroom. There, my cuffs were locked in front of my body and I was told to stand against the wall, facing it. I was told to assume the position for impact, which meant my hands were to be placed palms flat on the wall, slightly higher than my face. I was also to stick my butt out slightly while arching my back. Ms K started commenting on the obvious differences between our bodies… How my boobs were fake but still similar in size to hers, how her body was much curvier than mine, how she was much taller than I was. She asked Master how good I was at taking pain and Master offered to show her. He warmed me up a little before caning me hard. I was well trained enough to keep still and to keep count. She found it absolutely adorable (her words) and asked if she could use her crop on me. Master agreed and she went to town on my ass. Honestly, compared to Master’s strokes, hers were a lot lighter, BUT the whole situation was very hot.

She inserted one of my own kegel balls, a much bigger weighted ball than the jade one she’d used earlier, so it pretty much stayed in with little effort. However, she started piling on the weights. Pretty quickly, I felt the ball plop out of my sloppy pussy, landing on the floor with a thud. Laughter filled the room and I was told to go stand in the corner, facing the wall. I was only good enough to hear them fuck. So I did, and I remember being so incredibly turned on. I knew I’d have a heck of a time cleaning the floor up after we were done – pussy juice is slimy and sticky and dries up quickly. I could hear them making out, the sounds of their long kisses music to my ears. Eventually, I was told to turn around, and I did so to the view of Master inserting his cock in Ms K’s pussy, her eyes staring directly at me as she asked me how I felt watching my boyfriend (we weren’t married yet) with his cock in another woman.

It was quite dreamy. Master would fuck her for a while, pull out, remove the condom and beckon me over to suck him while he would use his mouth and fingers on her, keeping her nice and horny. When he was ready, he’d put on another condom and plunge right into her waiting pussy. After he came, he pulled off the condom and made me clean up his cock. When I was done, they pulled me up on the bed and Ms K sat her just-fucked pussy right onto my face. Ms K was curvy and she had a really nice meaty pussy. Plus, she was a very tall girl and bigger built than me. The weight of her and the sheer size of her pussy compared to my face suffocated me. I was licking for dear life, hoping she’d remember to let me breathe. Still, not a bad way to go. 😂

I felt Master straddle me and push my legs apart. Then he pushed his cock into me while making out with Ms K. He had just come so his cock was just chubby. He started comparing my pussy to hers, saying he couldn’t feel much in my loose pussy. Eventually, he pulled out and Ms K got off my face at the same time. The two of them flanked me, one on my left and one on my right. I felt my vibrator thrust into my hand and I was told to make myself cum. While the vibrator buzzed away against my engorged clit, Master and Ms K started kissing right above my face. I don’t think I’ve cum quite so hard and so beautifully before. I still think about that view from time to time. It’s hard to forget.

The rest of the night was spent rather casually. We had more wine, chit chatted about kink and our experiences with other partners, we experimented a little bit more with girl-on-girl action. Both Ms K and I had not had much experience with women so we traded tips on how to make each other cum. That was pretty wholesome. Lol. She left when none of us was able to deliver a sentence without yawning, and Master and I fell asleep in each other’s arms.

So this was my best in-person cuckqueaning scene. All the elements I needed were present. It’s a pity we didn’t have the chance to explore another scene with Ms K. As with all dynamics, the play gets better and better the more you know about each other’s likes, dislikes and buttons. I could tell she really enjoyed the role of a cuckcake; she was such a natural! Nonetheless, I’m pretty hopeful we find someone like this now, but even meaner. I don’t want to get to cum at the end of the scene! And I’d love to be sent to the closet to sleep in my piggy bed while she and Master fall asleep in each other’s arms.

A Beautiful Wrap-Up to a Difficult Week

My brain works in ways I doubt I will ever comprehend. Following Wednesday night’s emotionally toiling cuckqueaning scene, I awoke the following morning feeling quite bright, if I’m being honest. There was zero residual resentment, which I had expected, but instead, I felt grateful that Master had gone ahead and cucked me despite it being difficult for me. Indeed, I felt excited that it had happened, and over the course of the following two days after he had returned home and we had talked about it like adults, I found myself back in a very good space.

It was true that I had been going through PMS; my debilitating cramps proved it two nights back. That probably explained my strong reaction. That said, Master also owned his oversight, that he ought to have recognized that he shouldn’t have changed plans and expected me to be fine. A lot of the pre-cucking work I do involves narrowing my focus on the other lady, building (often false) comparisons and internalizing them so I trick myself into believing that I have no right to jealousy because of how much better she is than me.

Problem with Wednesday was that not only was I lacking in prep work (we hadn’t had a scene before Master left), I also had whatever little prep I had done on my own destabilized. Again, we learn new things every day, which is why Master has refused to remove my safeword for cuckqueaning, knowing full well I might have the need to use it one day. He reiterated that he rather I feel empowered to know I can pull the brakes whenever I need to, rather than to allow resentment to breach our foundation.

I think I might like one day to be comfortable enough to make the decision to rescind my safeword, I feel it will show that I trust Master fully in this, but I recognize I’m not ready for this just yet. I don’t know when or whether that day will come, and perhaps I romanticize too much the notion of having no control. For now, I will go with giving up control, as I chose to do last week. It made Master extremely proud of me, and I can’t deny I too am proud of myself. It was the first time I had chosen not to take the easy way out.

Master and I always have an intense scene every Sunday. Prior to Sunday, I asked Master to punish me for Wednesday, particularly for trying to manipulate him by pulling the wife card and not wanting to own my safeword. I also asked to be punished for trying to cockblock Master, but this one was more to fit with our narrative than something I truly felt sorry for doing. Apart from the punishments, I asked Master to use his scene on Wednesday to humiliate me. I experienced such irrational jealousy and resentment to this woman I’ve never met, I wanted to see if trying to fetishize the jealousy would help me overcome it.

Let’s just say that Master delivered, as he usually does. It’s been hours since our scene ended and I’m physically exhausted with a very sore ass, both cheeks and asshole. Master used the delrin looped cane on me today, hard, multiple times, making me apologize and thank him after each stroke. I had to verbalize what I was apologizing for, which was extremely humiliating. “Piggy is sorry for trying to cockblock you, Master” has quite the ring to it. So do “piggy is sorry for trying to overstep its boundaries” and “piggy is sorry for trying to manipulate you, Master”.

Master drew many comparisons between me and his lover today… That she has a great ass for fucking, whilst mine is small and only good for pain, that she has legs that go for miles while mine are… Well, let’s just say I’m 5’1″/156cm and leave it at that. The kicker for me was when he started fucking my pussy, but only just a few strokes, declaring “it’s very loose, isn’t it. I really don’t like this hole” before withdrawing and plunging his cock up my ass. I could tell that Master had held back a little, giving me just small doses to see how well I could take the verbal humiliation. I did very well though… Every line he delivered made me even wetter and begging for more. I’m hoping he will hold back less in future.

Master also stretched my ass today. He rubbed his fingers against my clit and pussy to lube them up, making me squirm, and then pushed them into my ass. He fingered me anally to multiple orgasms while I thanked him ceaselessly for letting me cum. I’ve made some sort of peace with the knowledge that I don’t get to have clitoral and pussy orgasms. Thank goodness my ass is quite as sensitive as it is. It’s quite powerful to me to feel Master literally take his pleasure from me everytime we fuck, pounding my throat and my ass while giving zero fucks about my clit and pussy. If anything, these and the chastity belt are the constants that keep me in a state of submission.

My ass is sore because at one point, Master stuck four of his fingers in it and then managed to squeeze his cock in as well. I have not felt that full in a long time. I was broken by that point, more or less crying into the mattress, my face a mess of snot and spit from when he’d facefucked me with my head off the edge of the bed. I felt like I had already taken so much and still it was not enough. Still, he wanted to wreck his fuck pig just that bit more, by testing and stretching its ass to its limit. At the back of my mind, I worried a little that his actions over time might cause my ass to get so loose he wouldn’t be able to feel much while fucking it. When I raised this after the scene, he just laughed and said he could always stuff a dildo in at the same time, then cheekily added that would give him more reason to fuck younger tighter pussy. I creamed.

Finally, I’m going to share a little about my aftercare/after scene process since I realise I don’t talk about it much. We usually cuddle for a bit until I’ve stopped trembling, then we spend some time apart letting our minds process and settle. We do a debrief either hours later or the following day. After this scene, I was so tired I fell asleep in Master’s arms for a good twenty to thirty minutes. When I awoke, it felt like an amazing power nap. I showered and then treated myself to some Asian food delivery (fried Vietnamese noodles with grilled pork and prawns) and watched some Netflix to unwind. A glass of wine also helped in my come down, and of course, the writing of this entry.

Tomorrow’s the start of a new week. It looks like Master won’t be headed to Paris this week and maybe the next, though that’s not confirmed. Part of me is very happy he’ll be home, part of me is craving to be cucked again. I’m such a confused piggy.