A Cuckquean’s Mantra

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

So it is happening. Master matched up with someone on a dating app and they will see each other on Thursday while he is in Paris. She’s young, gorgeous (I’ve seen a picture), tall and fit. She’s very keen on playing with Master and has even offered to host him for the night.

I was a mix of emotions when I saw her picture and realised it was indeed happening. I won’t deny I was am extremely jealous and insecure, but not in a bad way. I’m so excited for Master, I really hope that he will have an amazing time with her. My pussy is dripping just from thinking of them getting together.

Today, I went to the pharmacie downstairs to pick up a pack of condoms for Master. When I presented him with the box of ten, he commented that he wasn’t sure they’d be enough. Knowing Master, he’ll pack a few extra just to be certain. But ten not being enough?! That surely created a little knot of insecurity in my tummy.

I did a little homework which I feel a little shy sharing, but hey, you already know that I’m perverse and depraved as fuck, right? Anyway, to help myself out and ensure my head stays in a good space this Thursday night, I wrote the following which I intend to record myself reading, to listen to on playback while I use the vibrator on my chastity shield, trying futilely to get some pleasure.

Again, this is raw and unfiltered. Do I truly believe everything that I’ve written? No, of course not. My Master loves me unconditionally, I do deserve him, he’s not out of my league. But my little cuckquean brain likes to think so, so I indulge her because it makes me wet. 😉

How does it feel to know that Master is currently in someone else’s arms? How does it feel to know that he will be sharing her bed tonight? How does it feel to know that, conversely, you are home alone – locked up tight in your chastity belt, no end and no pleasure in sight? How does it feel to have known the joy of his cock deep in your pussy, and to know that it is she who will be taking pleasure from him tonight? Worse, how does it feel to know that you will never again get to feel him thrust deep in your pussy and fuck you long and hard, exactly the way he is fucking her tonight?

This is your life now, little piggy. You’re a worthless little cuckquean, a fuck pig whose only known pleasure is taking Master’s cock down your throat and in your ass. Master doesn’t go down on you anymore, why would he want to put his mouth anywhere near your disgusting clit? Neither does he finger you so hard till the point where you squirt. Those orgasms are no longer a part of your life, so why bother stimulating those bits at all?

But you know Master is an amazing lover. You’ve experienced it before. It’s just a pity he will no longer do those things to you, you sad little fuckpig. And why should he, when you’re nothing in his eyes but a cum receptacle when he isn’t fucking better pussy and ass? And it’s on you, you were the one who gave him permission, nay, BEGGED him to see other women, date them fuck them, whatever he pleases. Deep down inside, you know you’re not good enough, you’re not enough, and he deserves better.

It’s already more than you deserve, to be given the privilege of being his wife and taking his name. It’s already more than you deserve to be kept as his houseslave, seeing to his needs at home. You don’t have the right to more than that, neither should you. Master deserves to enjoy younger women, women who are hotter than you are and will ever be, women who can show him a good time and give him the kind of sex and variety he craves. You are not enough. You are not hot enough, not fit enough, not young enough, not enough.

And of course Master should have anybody he wants. Look at him. He’s young, good looking, intelligent and such a charmer. Count yourself lucky he spends most nights with you, little piggy. Count yourself lucky he enjoys degrading and debasing you, using and abusing you. That’s all you’re worthy of, isn’t it? None of the pleasure and orgasms and nice slow touches, it’s always rough with you. He throws you around like you’re a doll, which you are – a fuckpig. He takes pleasure from you, you take what you can get. Pathetic.

Look at the picture of the lady he fucks tonight. Can you even compare? She’s gorgeous. She’s young, tall, with a figure that’s so much better than yours. Sure, you keep yourself in good shape, but have you seen your Master? He’s in another league, piggy, he’s out of your league. And of course he should fuck superior women who deserve him, not you. Imagine how amazing it must look, his body over hers, his cock in her wet pussy. Imagine them kissing, making out. When was the last time he made out with you? You can’t even remember, can you?

So repeat after me, little piggy…

I am pathetic.
I am a pathetic cuckquean.
I don’t deserve to cum, ever.
I don’t deserve Master’s glorious cock in my sad wet needy pussy.
I don’t deserve Master to pay my neglected clit any attention.
In fact, my clit deserves no attention at all, so much so that it’s locked up permanently.
I don’t even get to touch myself.
If I’m lucky, Master let’s me tease myself after he’s used me, but only if I’ve been a good fuck pig.
Touching myself is a privilege, not an entitlement.
Orgasms… Forget about them. I’m lucky I can cum from my ass, if you even consider that cumming. But those are the only types of orgasms I’m allowed, and even those are too good for me. They are a kindness from Master, again, not an entitlement.
I am happy when Master cheats on me.
I am happy when Master finds pleasure in the arms of a better woman.
I am jealous but I know it is right.
I am insecure but I deserve to be.
I am fulfilled when I am cucked.
I am a pathetic little cuckquean.

My Oral Fixation

I have an oral fixation for Master’s cock. It’s interesting because I’ve never quite enjoyed oral sex as much as I do with Master. I have always enjoyed, to a certain extent, going down on my partners, but I suffer from a short attention span… and laziness. Well, perhaps more of the latter. It was fun to give blowjobs as long as they were on my terms – short, and didn’t require me to put in too much hard work. With most of my previous partners, this was never an issue because they were always keen to get to the fucking. But with Master… It’s something I’ve come to crave. And ironically, servicing Master orally is not short, and certainly not easy. 

I crave the way he smells. I could spend so much time just nuzzling my nose into his crotch… Much like a pet, I reckon. He smells musky in a way that turns me on so intensely. It’s a smell I’ve come to associate with him – my owner, my husband, my lover, my home. I feel like if I were to play a game where I sniffed different crotches to identify his, I would succeed. I’m not offering to sniff other crotches, of course. I’m just saying that I recognize his scent as distinctly his, and I love it so much. 

Master never lets me linger for too long without interacting with his cock though. He gets impatient and growls at me to start sucking. And so I do. And I crave the sensation of his cock getting firm in my mouth. My favorite part is when he’s chubby enough to slide to the back of my throat, cutting off my airflow, but not so hard I have to deep throat yet. It never stays this way for long, though, but I love it. It’s soft enough to be manipulated in my mouth; I can swirl my tongue around it while still having it fill up most of my mouth. Delicious.

And then of course he gets very very hard. I crave the way my throat yields to his cock. I can feel the tip of his cock push against the back of my throat, and then my throat instinctively opens and he slides in. Well, considering that the alternative is to get rammed, which hurts, I’d say my throat is quite self-preserving. We’ve danced this dance so many times that we both know the steps, the best positions for me to be in to facilitate fluidity in movement. I always start out kneeling between his spread legs, and then move to face away from him. I find my throat arcs nicely in that position, and I can deep throat with abandon. 

I’m getting quite good at suppressing my gag reflex, but often, I like to trigger it while bouncing my head up and down Master’s cock. He likes to feel my throat constrict around his cock when I gag, and it also helps lube up his cock nicely for entry into my ass. Win win, you see. But most importantly, it makes me incredibly wet to know that I am willingly forcing myself to gag because it feels good for him. And I suppose that visually, this must be quite a sight because this is usually the point at which Master yanks me off his cock, throws me on the bed and starts impaling my ass. 


My Foray into Cuckqueaning

I’ve received some questions about cuckqueaning, mainly:
– How did you get into cuckqueaning? (Few women are okay with their husbands fucking other women, and you’re cute!)
– Are you not afraid that your current situation will eventually lead to a divorce? 🥲
– Do you think that all submissives should be cucked?

I’ve decided to write openly about how I came to learn about this kink, how I got turned on to it, the struggles I’ve faced, and why I am now ready to explore it head-on with Master. I hope this helps you understand me a little bit better, and also recognise that my interest in cuckqueaning is self-driven and that it isn’t an agenda Master pushes… at all.


I first got turned on to cuckqueaning with my ex-dom. However, it wasn’t smooth-sailing. You see, I’ve always identified as monogamous. I got together with my ex-dom when I was barely 25. We had already played on several occasions prior to that, and he’d taken me to more than a handful of play parties. He had a huge fixation on play with others, and I was comfortable with us doing so with other couples, but I drew the line at that. This wasn’t enough for him, unfortunately. We had been together for 2 years when he first suggested to me that we include another single female in our play. I was livid. I remember feeling betrayed. He was basically asking me for permission to cheat. I turned him down very strongly.

However, there are a few things about me that he knew he could use to turn me on to his way of thinking – my intense desire to submit and also my penchant for humiliation. He spent an entire year whispering scenes involving another women in my ear as he edged me, and they always featured me being in a position of service to her. I’ve always been a pretty pliable submissive, and it wasn’t long before I found myself thinking and fantasizing about him humiliating me alongside another woman. At the time, neither of us knew the kink was called cuckqueaning. I went online, found a handful of blogs, and discovered that there was a name to it – cuckqueaning.


Of course I devoured the literature. I learnt that, like cuckoldry, it didn’t always have to carry the aspect of humiliation, although it often did. I learnt that often, the scene was a prolonged one, beginning before the dominant headed out the door or before the other woman, also called the cuckcake, arrived. The scene would not end after the dominant and the cuckcake had had their fun. No, there was always a little bit left for the cuckquean, whether it be in the way of an obligatory orgasm, more edging/teasing/humiliation, or even more pain. I was hooked. I’d always identified as being masochistic, and this… this was something new. There was a limit to the pain that could be safely inflicted via impact play, but emotional sadism/masochism was unexplored territory.

My ex-dom and I started exploring cuckqueaning together about 3-4 years into our relationship, but it was a disaster. My ex-dom was not a good dominant. He was always more interested in his own agenda – the pursuit of exciting new experiences. In the context of cuckqueaning, albeit exciting, the focus has to actually be on the foundational coupleship and the cuckquean, NOT the play with the cuckcake. The cucking is a mere tool to reinforce/heighten the dynamic within the coupleship. And even though some pornography might suggest that cuckqueans enjoy being ignored and cast aside, this is only hot within the confines of the scene. Once the scene is over, however, the cuckquean returns to being the primary partner, the loved one. The dominant should never forget, for example, that it is his cuckquean who makes such a lifestyle possible.


My ex-dom wasn’t able to make such an edgy kink work in our dynamic, and it was no wonder. Our personal D/s dynamic was in a terrible state. He’d set up protocol that he’d remember to enforce for a week or two, and then it would be forgotten. He didn’t meet my needs as a sub. Often, we would only play when I was climbing the walls in frustration. You cannot play with the headspace of being rejected when you actually seriously doubt your value in the relationship. I didn’t feel desired in our relationship, and I started to develop real feelings of resentment when I saw him desiring the other women we included in our play.

It didn’t help that there was a tonne of gaslighting. Whenever I tried to stop things, express my discomfort, request that we take a break from cuckqueaning and refocus on our own D/s dynamic, I was made to feel guilty for withholding his shiny new toy. We wouldn’t focus on us. Instead, we wouldn’t play. It quickly became a situation where I had to consent to being cucked in order to even obtain any sort of play. And when we entered the cuckqueaning sessions, it was often with a heavy heart for me, because he never bothered to set me up in the headspace properly prior to the scenes. I’d go through with the scenes because I hadn’t wanted to disappoint him and the other party, and often, we’d have booked nice hotel rooms so there was much at stake. I spent years oscillating between loving the kink (in fantasy) and hating it (in reality).


Anyway, thank god I got out of that relationship (marriage, actually) after 10 long years. My ex-dom caused me to develop anxiety from constantly putting me in situations where I was uncomfortable and unhappy. When I got together with my Master, I was pretty broken. He spent the first year of our time together putting me back together again – my self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth… All of that was pretty much in shambles due to my ex. He pushed me to seek therapy when it became clear he wasn’t able to help me work through my anxiety on his own. About a year ago, I shared with Master my interest in cuckqueaning and suggested to him that we explore it together. He was very curious to understand what I liked about it, and certainly he got excited at the prospect, but he assured me that my happiness was his priority and he did not need or even want to fuck anyone else to be fulfilled in our relationship.

The first few times were very light, such as what I documented in my piece “The Shy Cuckcake”. And honestly, it didn’t start out being easy. After every session, I’d get hit with the familiar wave of anxiety and I’d want it to stop. But the difference (between now and then) was that we would. Master would immediately get off the dating apps, stop communications with the women, refocus his energies on me and me alone. We’d share months of unbridled passion just playing hard with each other, building our then D/s dynamic. I have never felt undesired by Master. We play daily, and it is plain to see that he adores me.

I guess it was a combination of me learning that I could trust Master unconditionally, recognising that he isn’t cucking me for his own gains, understanding that his priority is and always will be me that made me decide to foray into the kink for real. So yes, I know that I’m gorgeous and I know that in his eyes, there’s only me. My pursuit of cuckqueaning doesn’t come from a place of deep-seated self-loathing, or anything of that nature. I simply love the objectification and humiliation that, for some reason, I can only derive from being cucked. We still navigate those scenes cautiously. In the haze of my arousal, I have often requested that he see other women more frequently, treat me more carelessly, etc, but he never has.


So, do I ever worry that my situation will eventually lead to divorce? No. I’ve been through one failed marriage before and I can say with absolute confidence that this one is good. Master is consistent, reliable and loves me with ALL his heart. In our time together, he has never made a decision that does not prioritise me and my needs. He is protective, possessive and has never put in a situation in which I feel forced into doing anything. This is the man I see myself growing old with happily, devoting my love and service to for time eternal.

Do I think that all submissives should be cucked? Hell, no. I know other fulfilled D/s and M/s couples who are monogamous and do not practise cuckqueaning in any form. It’s my kink, not a universal ingredient to submission. In my case, I find it draws out my submission like no other kink can, but for others, this might be simply through service, being used, etc. D/s and M/s looks different for everyone; it’s taken me more than a decade to figure out what works for me, and this is it. But again, this is just ONE aspect of my dynamic. There’s so much more behind the scenes, such as what I shared in my piece about our protocols.

Whew, that is one long wall of text. I truly hope you found this informative. Thank you for the questions, those who asked them. There are no stupid questions as I know that what we do is pretty novel to many. I’m here to share, dissect and hopefully educate.


The Reawakening of Desire

Photo by Alexis Fauvet on Unsplash

Hello again. I think it is high time that I revive this blog. It’s been more than a year since I started this blog with the objective of making journaling a habit. Yikes, that didn’t quite take off, now did it? Anyway, over the course of the past year that I haven’t written, we had a handful of playdates with other women. A few were cognizant that I was Master’s cuckquean and were able to play their role of cuckcake to differing degrees. The rest, I joined Master in co-dominating.

And then, of course, the pandemic happened and meeting other people for anything, much less play, became impossible at worst, unadvisable at best. We took time off cuckqueaning, spending our newfound shared time at home exploring our other kinks. However, and rather unfortunately, because of how much time we were spending together in the same space, we got too comfortable with each other and the D/s slowly disappeared. We’d still have very kinky sex, but we didn’t play as much and all the rules and protocol that were previously in place, vanished.

A few times over the months, Master asked me to think about our D/s dynamic – where it stood and where I saw it going. It took me months to find an answer, but I finally had one. I shared with Master that I didn’t think I qualified as a slave because (1) I don’t enjoy service unless I know I am getting something out of it; (2) I have trouble following rules and protocol unless I am sexually motivated. I confirmed that my main mental kinks are orgasm denial and humiliation, and my main physical kinks are anal play and pain play. I ended off by confirming that my ideal D/s role was that of the denied and humiliated cuckquean, and while I was submissive by nature, I was more of a brat by design.

And, that’s when I decided to go all in and shake up my cozy little existence. In a bid for us to return to doing what truly fulfils me, I asked Master to please make me a cuckquean… a properly humiliated one. I believe that this was equal parts impulse and readiness. Yes, it was probably impulsive in that I’m currently at the tail end of my period and horny as fuck. I’m always extremely suggestible at this time of each month, so what seems like a great idea right now has a high chance of being just a tolerable one later. However, that being said, I also strongly believe that I am (finally) ready for this. 

I asked him to start meeting and fucking other women… on his own. This is a pretty big step for me because I used to struggle so badly with separation anxiety when I was with my ex-husband/dominant. I still remember absolutely losing my shit while he was getting ready to go meet some woman. He didn’t give me much say in the matter. He’d just informed me that he’d like to go on a date with this woman and I was expected to suck it up and be ok with it.

With Master, it’s so different. I think the main difference stems from me knowing that he actually wants and prioritises spending time with me. That never used to be the case with the ex. For most of my marriage to that man, I constantly felt like I was holding him back from doing things and meeting people. Master and I have been married for close to six months now, and we dated for a year prior to that. I’m amazed at how little I have struggled with jealousy. It’s actually pretty ironic because Master has actually been fucking other women in the time we’ve been together. I know he uses tinder and I know he has conversations with women he finds interesting. However, I’ve never felt the same pang of anxiety or jealousy that I used to with the ex. 

I feel like I am finally ready to make real my constant fantasy of being a cuckquean. With regards to Master going out with other women, I want to be a good cuck who does everything from making the restaurant reservation for him and his date, to tidying and preparing our home for them to enjoy, to begging to please be allowed to pay for their dinner, drinks and transport, all in exchange for the privilege of being allowed to hear all about his date while sucking his cock right after. It’ll be so hot if I’m allowed to edge while hearing about her laughing at his jokes, flirting with him, etc. 

In my fantasy, while he’s out at a nice restaurant wining and dining her, I’ll be home stretching out my ass-pussy and (maybe if he allows) teasing my horny clit. And then when they are home and fucking, I would love to be allowed to lock myself in the playroom, cuffed and diapered, not making a single sound. But I recognise this might be difficult and also kind of an asshole move towards the other woman who thinks the apartment is empty. So, the other option is that I leave the apartment and go wait somewhere close-by instead, like a budget hotel. That will be quite humiliating to be kicked out of my house so that Master can fuck someone else in it. 

I also begged Master also to please keep me on a strict regime of orgasm denial and abject humiliation. I really savour being kept a denied and humiliated cuckquean. To be more specific, I begged Master to make me anal-only. I can cum from anal sex, but these orgasms are nowhere as satisfying as pussy or clitoral orgasms. I don’t think I should be allowed pussy orgasms at all. There has to be some sort of distinction between the cuck and the other women who Master fucks. And well, if I’m being honest, I feel that I can live without pussy orgasms indefinitely, even forever. They’re nice, but not mind blowing, and they serve the fantasy so much better if they are nonexistent. 

I like the narrative of my pussy being so sloppy (which is actually very true if I’m kept on denial) that it cannot bring Master any satisfaction when fucking it. I know this is not entirely true, but it’s been proven in the past that whenever Master had to fuck my pussy rather than my ass, he wasn’t as turned on and he took much longer to cum. So, I think it is only appropriate that Master shouldn’t have to use my pussy at all, especially if he has other pussy to fuck. The only time he would probably need to put his cock in my worthless pussy is when he’s trying to breed me, but this is only 1-2 days a month, and I will beg him to use my other holes to get close and then to slide in my pussy when he’s ready to cum. (We’ve done this before and it was insanely hot to feel him thrust in my pussy for just a handful of times to reach orgasm. It really made me feel like a cum receptacle… And I loved it!!!)

As for my clit… This is a tough one. I love clit orgasms. Love love love them. They feel amazing, and actually are very helpful during periods when I am stressed or anxious. However, I also recognize that when I am allowed to cum often, I don’t feel submissive at all. For this reason, I realize that it is mandatory for Master to very strictly control my orgasms if I am to successfully embrace cuckqueaning. I do want to be permitted to edge because I know I need to do so in order to remain horny, but I begged Master to only allow me proper clit orgasms when Master gets pussy that’s not mine. The idea of tying my orgasms to Master cucking me is to rewire my brain to associate the two, so even if I’m jealous, I’ll still beg him to please enjoy other pussy. Also, I really want to internalize the rule that Master’s pleasure comes first, and mine doesn’t matter. 

So, in summary, I want to really be a denied and humiliated cuckquean… Master’s anal-only piggy cuck. I want to never have a pussy orgasm again, and to live for those few thrusts when he breeds me, imagining how lovely it would feel if he would just fuck my pussy longer… how lovely it must feel for all the other women he fucks. I want to feel so small in comparison… his worthless little piggy who only gets used for his pleasure. To be reminded that if we so succeed in getting pregnant, I will never have reason to have his cock in my pussy again, except perhaps pity or when he’s bored. Oh lord. I want to support his liaisons with other women, from financing his dates to accommodating their use of our home for sex. And I want to be made to beg for the privilege of doing so.

It embarrasses me that this is what I want for myself because it is so much the opposite of what I’ve been taught to believe I need. But I need this. I know that now.