Recuperative Reflections

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

The past two weeks have been incredibly dreary. Having spent the previous seven full weeks in intense M/s mode with regular cuckings and plenty (and I mean plenty) of play, being forced to put everything on pause for a fortnight feels like a huge slap back to reality. Except, it isn’t MY reality.

Don’t worry, nothing’s happened on the relationship front. Master and I are still very much in sync, our contract is still very much in force. We are just both recovering from Covid. We are at the tail end of the infection right about now, but it hasn’t been an easy two weeks.

When I say everything has been on pause, I mean it. I haven’t been sleeping in the closet, I haven’t been wearing my chastity belt, I haven’t even been wearing my collar. I need to sleep well in order to recover, I had indisgestion which made the belt inconvenient, and the collar made me cough even more.

I have been incredibly horny, but up till today, my body hasn’t felt capable of being beaten-up and ass-fucked hard the way I would like. I haven’t been feeling altogether submissive either. It was difficult when my brain was perpetually foggy and the pressure from my swollen sinuses overrode most feelings of arousal.

But good god, I really desire to be beaten down. Bless Master, I’ve been quite unmanageable while being ill. The sexual frustration from not being able to play, not being able to cum, not being able to do very much at all put me on edge. I’ve been rather sharp with my words and nonchalant with my actions. I know I’m going to pay for it when we next play, which I’m really hoping will be tomorrow.

Master made a comment that it’s interesting to see how my personality is so different when I’m vanilla and when I’m not. Of course, he ended off by saying that he can’t wait to dehumanize me again, because apparently, I’m a lot less insufferable that way. 😂 Can’t deny I prefer myself better that way too… But it’s interesting in these moments of clarity to identify just how different I am when I’m a happy piggy.

Maybe we need to think about how better we can cope with future bouts of illnesses so they don’t upend all our hard work. Or maybe there really isn’t any way around it but to trust that we can pause things and pick them up right back again.

A Weekend with Subzilla

Photo by Samuel Scrimshaw on Unsplash

This weekend has been a bit of whirlwind for me and Master. I discovered the cause of my migraine that I complained about in my previous post. It was hormones. I had the worst cramps the night that Master returned from Paris, and then I basically become Subzilla over the next two days.

My mistake was not telling Master that I was having PMS. I’d told him about the cramps, but I guess it didn’t register with him that I’d be suffering moodswings. It is true that I’m not always in a bad mood when I have my cramps and I guess I didn’t realise just how emotional I was till I was triggered. I really do feel bad having put Master through my hideous outbursts, but I have to give it to him. He handled me like a champ!

On Friday night, we had our first scene of the weekend. Master was very committed to stretching my ass as wide as he could that night. It did not take much warming up before he was able to insert his cock and the similar sized dildo in my ass at the same time. He then tried to penetrate my ass alongside the larger dildo (with a diameter of 4.5cm), but this proved to be too intense for me. He managed to get both in, but I had to ask him to back off after a few seconds. He decided not to push it, bearing in mind it was only Friday and we were probably going to play another two times over the course of the weekend.

I was pretty horny. The cucking scene had gone well on Wednesday night and we’d yet to wrap it up. As Master slapped his cock on my clit, an act that was actually quite painful, he taunted me with little tidbits of his night with Ms D before delivering this punchline – “Think about what you’ve lost.” That got my mind in a good humiliated cuckquean space, thinking about Ms D getting the tender clit attention while I got the abuse, and that this was the only form of clit attention I would receive that night.

My ass was very well-stretched by that point, having been double penetrated by all combination of cock and dildos we owned. When Master eventually stopped dick-slapping my clit and penetrated me, I did not feel much and I knew he would probably struggle to find friction. It was a quandary. I couldn’t cum, but neither could he.

At some point, he gave up, telling me that I was too loose to pleasure him, and to make up for my ineptitude by using my hands and mouth instead. I crawled between his thighs and took his cock in my warm mouth, using my hands to stroke him in tandem with my mouth, the way I knew he liked. I looked to him for some acknowledgement, but he’d picked up his smartphone and was busy scrolling, maybe surfing porn, maybe playing some online game… I had no clue.

What I did realise, however, was that this bothered me immensely. You would think that, being a cuckquean, I’d relish the feeling of being ignored or cast aside in play. But the truth is, I hated it. Honestly, this is a scene that has played out too often with my ex-dominant and I strongly disliked the memories it brought back and also the accompanying negativity. Yet, I also knew what Master was trying to achieve, it was just another form of humiliation. I got it, so I tried to get into it.

I worked hard, I really did, but he was losing his erection. (I really think he was on Reddit, not porn.) Anyway, he pushed me down on my belly, told me off in a disgusted tone of voice for having to do everything himself, and then proceeded to fuck my ass till he came. The time-out had allowed my ass to regain some tension, so while I still couldn’t get enough friction to cum, Master could. This part was hot, I really enjoy it when he uses my ass to get off, but by that point, I couldn’t shake off the bad mojo from the previous segment.

During our debrief, I damn near chewed off his ear telling him how that part of the scene had made me feel. He told me it had not been his intention to make me feel lousy, it had been meant to humiliate me further. Rationally, I knew this, but emotionally, I could not let go of the negative feelings. I blame the hormones but I was pretty unmanageable that night. I flat out refused to sleep in the closet, haha.

I do credit Master for being possibly the most patient man alive. He knew it was the hormones speaking, I was super aggressive and I did not sound like myself at all. He just kept repeating that he’d heard me, he wouldn’t recreate that scene again, and asked what he could do or say to make me feel better. After an hour or so, I’d finally calmed down and I apologised for my outburst.

We discussed my trigger and came to the conclusion that I require connection and engagement when we play – a lot of it. Humiliation only works when I feel humiliated, not angry. And for that, he could not ignore me. If he had used his words and gaze to humiliate me for having too loose an ass to pleasure him, thus my task of getting him off with my hands and mouth, that would have been hot. I also shared with him that cuckqueaning for me CANNOT lead to me being less desired. If anything, I need to feel even more desired after each cucking, even if it doesn’t play out with a traditional pleasure-focused scene. Again, we’re still learning and figuring things out, and this was an important lesson.

Saturday went a lot better for the two of us. We had a really intense scene in the afternoon followed by a nice dinner at a bouchon lyonnais across the street. Master could tell that I was feeling a lot less submissive because of my hormones, which we had by this point acknowledged. However, I was still horny and I badly wanted to be manhandled and forced into physical submission. It was the mental submissive headspace which remained rather inaccessible, no matter how hard I tried. As a result, we focused on the physical for this scene, with a bit of cuckqueaning humiliation brought in for extra fun.

He started by giving me some impact. I had bought a couple of new impact toys for his birthday – a flogger, a dragon tail whip and a short thick delrin cane. He used all three on me, but eventually gravitated to the cane as it’s the easiest to wield for the maximum amount of pain. I will admit this was very welcome. I needed to get out of my own head and the pain was a nice focus. As he hit me, he told me to think about the difference in treatment between me and Ms D. She got all the nice touches, the clitoral attention, the focus on her pleasure. I got the pain. That was hot.

Master told me to lie on my back, hugging my knees to my chest. He lubed up my ass with my overflowing pussy juice before sticking the smaller of our two dildos in it. It went in with zero resistance, none at all. Master started telling me that my ass was looser than Ms D’s pussy and that soon, I wouldn’t be able to pleasure him with it at all. Of course I felt like telling him that this was nobody’s fault but his, seeing as his new hobby was inserting anything and everything up my ass at the same time, but I kept my mouth shut. See, I can control myself when I have to.

It wasn’t long before Master was double penetrating me in the ass yet again with the same dildo. I felt him reach for the larger dildo and I forced myself to relax as best as I could. It took a little bit of manoeuvring but he managed to make it fit along with his cock. This time, it was a lot easier to take. I still felt filled and stretched beyond belief so I had him stop moving for a while in order to get accustomed to the sensation. Ater a minute or two, I gave him the cue to start moving slowly. He managed to fuck me with the large dildo in my ass for a little… Perhaps a minute. Eventually, I had to ask him to withdraw for the discomfort was quickly becoming overwhelming. Still, it was progress!

My favourite part of the scene was the end, when Master came in my ass. He inserted the smaller dildo into me while I was lying face down on the bed and told me to hold it in place. I shoved my arms under my torso and grabbed hold of the base of the dildo with my fingers on either side of my pussy. I was so wet and slick it was honestly difficult to get a grip. I hoped I wouldn’t slip up at the last moment and ruin Master’s pleasure. That would be funny, wouldn’t it? Lol. Maybe not so much, hehe.

Anyway, with me holding onto the dildo, Master slipped his cock in on top of it so the bottom of his cock was rubbing against the length of the dildo as he fucked me. That was… possibly the hottest thing we have done in a while. I could not cum at all because the dildo was stationery in my ass and I think I need stimulation on the front wall of my rectum for any orgasm to happen. I just felt really full and really used. I lay there, mostly silent except for the occasional whimper, feeling like a sex doll. Master fucked me really hard this way until he finally came in my ass. When he slid his cock out, his cum snaked down the length of the dildo, pooling at the base. He told me to walk to the shower with the dildo still in my ass and only to remove it when I was safely in it. Haha!

After our scene, we cuddled for a long while before getting dressed and heading to the bouchon lyonnais, a typical small homely Lyonnais restaurant, for dinner. I was well fucked and pretty satiated in the kink department, but let’s not forget I was still prickly as fuck. The night ended with us having a very very long talk about our dynamic and cuckqueaning. We are still honoring the contract, for sure, but we acknowledged that I need a few things we hadn’t realised before.

For starters, he’s given me the right to call a pause to our dynamic when I feel the onset of PMS. We’ll still play, but certain things will be paused, like sleeping in the closet, service-oriented submission. Basically, I get a time-off for a maximum of three days per month, if the need arises. If my PMS is manageable, as it sometimes is, I don’t have to activate this. Still, it’s comforting to have this option, and on Master’s end, it’s also a small cost to avoid facing Subzilla again. I also now have the option to pause the cuckqueaning dynamic for a period of a week, mainly to be activated if the previous week’s cucking was especially emotional.

We also realised that I cannot deal with being compared to Ms D in ways that are non-physical/sexual. It’s hot for me when Master highlights the difference in sexual treatment between me and her, or even between our bodies, but it’s not hot when he talks about her successes as a person, or how much he admires her. It’s not that I don’t think she’s impressive, I’m sure she is. I guess I just prefer to think of her as a sexual competitor and nothing else. It might also be that I harbour some self-esteem issues from being his full-time slave, having once been in a high-earning profession. I suppose this will change over time as I come to let go of my own hang-ups that are fueled by societal pressures. But for now, I really can’t deal with this form of jealousy.

Master has been absolutely patient and stellar in dealing with his Subzilla this weekend. I’m still a little touchy today, but the edge has definitely gone away. I’m going to be a lot better with monitoring my period calendar and identifying red zones in future.

Psst… For those of you who think Master is very lucky to have me, I am quite a handful, as you can see. LOL!

My M/s Contract (1 Apr – 30 Jun)

Photo by Dimitri Karastelev on Unsplash

Of piggy’s own free will, it offers itself in slavery for the period beginning 1 April 2022 and ending 30 June 2022. 

During the period expressed above, piggy will devote itself completely to Master without hesitation in accordance with the rules, rituals and protocols outlined below. 

General Rules

piggy submits to Master’s will and accepts his authority over it for its purpose is to serve, obey and please him. piggy consents to being managed, disciplined and controlled in a manner beneficial to its training and long-term service to Master. 

piggy accepts that all important decision making is in Master’s hands. piggy will submit to Master’s decision once it has been made. 

piggy is responsible for communicating its thoughts and feelings to Master through its journal honestly, thoughtfully and respectfully. piggy will willingly discuss any issues with Master that limits its trust. It will not hide anything from Master. 

piggy will wear its collar 24/7. If it is the leather collar, piggy will ask Master to remove it before taking a shower and return to have it replaced right after. 

If going out with Master, piggy will wear whatever Master wishes it to. piggy may put an outfit together but will change immediately upon Master’s request. Master will decide if the chastity belt stays on or comes off for outings.

piggy accepts that it has no authority over its appearance. It will always style itself as per Master’s preferences for hair and make up, and will submit to Master’s choices for haircuts. 

piggy will ensure that it eats healthily and keeps itself fit through regular exercise. piggy will always ask for permission if it would like to snack. 

piggy will run Master’s household effectively, ensuring Master has 3 home-cooked meals daily and access to a well-stocked pantry. 

Each night, piggy will ensure the coffee machine is prepared for the next morning and that there is a full glass of water on Master’s bedside table. 

Each night, piggy is allowed to cuddle with Master in his bed before being tucked to sleep in the closet. Unless Master permits piggy to spend the night in his bed, piggy must not make any assumptions nor attempt to wheedle its way in. piggy accepts that its sleeping spot is by default in the closet and that it no longer has a place in Master’s bed. 

piggy will hold no property nor finances, according Master full control over its purchase. piggy is allowed to use Master’s credit card for grocery purchases and things pertaining to the household/hygiene needs. Anything else must be approved by Master. 

Cuckqueaning Rules 

piggy submits to being cucked by Master with Ms D for the period of the contract. It acknowledges that it is rescinding its right to influence or terminate Master’s relationship with Ms D. 

piggy accepts that it is only allowed to use its safeword if the following are not adhered to:

  • Master cucks piggy with Ms D for a maximum of one night a week. 
  • Master does not spend the night with Ms D. 
  • Master manages his time well and ends the night by midnight. 
  • Master prepares piggy for each cucking, reminding it of its role, place, and lack of control over being cucked. 
  • Master provides piggy with sufficient tasks to engage in over the course of being cucked. 
  • Master has a debrief call with piggy after each cucking to provide aftercare. 
  • Master wraps up each cucking with a scene in which piggy is again reminded of its role, place and lack of control over being cucked. 

piggy accepts that being cucked is instrumental to its degradation and long-term dehumanization. piggy will seize each cucking experience as an opportunity for self-reflection and growth, and will focus its energy on service, dedication and discipline. 

piggy will raise any concerns it has to Master in a respectful manner, accepting that it is Master’s decision as to whether changes be made. It acknowledges that this is no longer within its control and tantrums will be punished harshly. 

Sexual Rules

piggy will learn and commit to memory the slave positions taught to it by Master. It will execute them well and focus on staying in position no matter the stimuli. 

piggy submits to Master’s pain, and trusts that Master will keep it safe. It accepts that Master does not need a reason to hurt it. piggy will never attempt to shield itself from Master’s blows or strokes. It will always take pain as gracefully as it can muster.

piggy submits to wearing its female chastity belt 24/7, removed only when Master chooses. piggy may request the belt be removed to facilitate exercise or enemas, but the decision is Master’s. 

piggy will check with Master during the day as to whether its ass will be used that night and administer an enema accordingly. 

piggy submits to having its ass trained, stretched and destroyed, as per Master’s will, even if this means that piggy will face difficulty reaching anal orgasm. piggy will contribute to its stretching on Master’s instruction. 

piggy’s mouth and hands are available for Master’s use 24/7. Upon instruction, piggy will use its mouth and hands to pleasure and bring Master to orgasm. piggy accepts that its pleasure is of no importance, and that Master may choose to ignore it throughout its service. piggy will clean Master up after ejaculation and leave as unobtrusively as it can. 

piggy accepts that it should not expect any form of pussy interaction, be it fingering or cunnilingus, by Master. piggy’s pussy will only be used as a lube dispenser and will remain chaste otherwise. If Master inserts his cock in piggy’s pussy for lubrication, piggy will strive not to cum as lube dispensers do not deserve orgasms of any kind. 

piggy accepts that it is no longer allowed to initiate deep kissing with Master. It is instead to make out with Master’s feet upon instruction. If piggy wishes to show affection, it may request to be allowed to worship Master’s feet. 

piggy accepts that it is only allowed clitoral stimulation at Master’s instruction. It will not interact with its clitoris apart from hygiene needs. When allowed to stimulate its clitoris, piggy will refrain from edging, focusing only on teasing it but staying far from release. 

For every 10 times that piggy is cucked, piggy may be allowed to attain some form of clitoral release, but it is Master’s decision as to the how and also whether the orgasm is ruined or not. If Master decides to rescind this reward, piggy will accept Master’s decision and remain orgasmless. 

Punishment Rules 

If piggy infringes any of the rules set out above, it will submit itself to punishment. The form and extent of the punishment shall be at Master’s pleasure, and Master shall make it clear that piggy is being punished.

A Big Step Forward in Cuckqueaning

Photo by Evie S. on Unsplash

Master headed up to Paris yesterday yet again, mostly for work but also for pleasure. He would meet Ms D for the second time last night, and he was most definitely excited. After their first night together, Master has told me time and again that Ms D has the tightest body he has ever fucked. I’ve seen pictures so I know this to be true. But more importantly, on top of the physical which can only go so far, Master finds her to be very interesting as a person. On our end, we’d ironed out the nitty gritty and we were ready to give cuckqueaning another spin.

Unfortunately, the stars never align and I woke up yesterday morning with a splitting headache that quickly evolved into a bad migraine. Since I’ve been writing, I’m more aware of how often these hit me, and it looks like I’m getting two attacks two weeks apart. This part isn’t relevant to my recount, but it has got me a little worried. Anyway, despite my migraine, I told myself I would try and do whatever I’d set out to do that day, and that I would also commit myself to completing the tasks that Master had set for me last night.

In order to ensure I was engaged while being cucked, Master had sent me a list of tasks to complete. The first was that I was to don my nipple clamps at the start of their dinner. I would be allowed to remove them when they reached their room. The second was to write a letter of appreciation to Ms D for pleasing Master, also taking care to point out the things she could give him that I could not. The third was to stretch my ass with the two dildos we own, taking a video of myself for their viewing pleasure. Finally, I was to write the sentence “piggy is a depraved slave that deserves only to have Master destroy its ass” 100 times. I was to do this on my tablet, and of course Master had warned me against simply copying and pasting.

And so the night began. At 8pm, I received the instruction to apply my clamps and also to put myself in the closet to get in the right space. I did as tasked and waited in silence in the closet, door pulled shut before me, for Master’s next text. It came about fifteen minutes later. They’d started eating, he’d informed, and I could exit the closet. I can’t say I did much apart from sitting with the pain. I’d chosen the clover clamps, like I did the last time, but I wore them for a fair bit longer than previously. Last time, I had them on for between 30-40 minutes. This time, it was close to an hour before I received a text from Master instructing me to remove the left clamp and to focus on the pain while he took his shower. The next text came about ten minutes later and I have never been so glad to remove clamps before. Of course they hurt like a bitch coming off, but they had been getting pretty unbearable before.

Master’s text also informed me that was going to start his scene with Ms D and I was to get cracking on my tasks. It was about 9.15pm by that point, and I started writing my thank-you letter to Ms D. Here’s what I came up with:

Dear Ms D,

I have been tasked to pen you a thank-you letter, and while I probably shouldn’t start the letter saying so, Master has asked that I be quite honest in my expression of gratitude – something, left to my own devices, I would probably shy away from. I recognize that some, or perhaps a lot, of my kinks rely heavily on my suffering. For this reason, I tend not to impose them on others, for fear of putting the recipient in an awkward situation, feeling uneasily responsible for my pain. Before I move into the letter proper, please know that this is not my intention in the least. If anything, I thank you wholly for being a contributor.

With that said, I would like to thank you, Ms D, wholeheartedly, for pleasing my Master tonight. As I sit here with my nipples sore and aching from close to an hour in clamps, I cannot help but feel immense jealousy at the pleasure the both of you will find in each other tonight. He has been looking forward to meeting you since the first time you played together, and I do not question why. He told me that you have the tightest body he has ever held in his hands before. I have no hang ups about my body, but I also know how to admit defeat when I see it in the face. My lackadaisical attitude towards exercise, coupled with my overzealous attitude towards food, do not a ‘tight’ figure make.

There are other things Master engages in with you that he no longer partakes of with me anymore, or at least not more than once a year. It’s not so much that I cannot provide them, but being denied them keeps me in the submissive head-space I crave, and that Master adores. So, thank you, truly, for giving Master the opportunity to pleasure a real woman, something both Master and I agree I am not. Thank you for your soft lips that he adores making out with, your pussy that he enjoys going down on, fingering and fucking. I miss these acts, but I acknowledge these are not acts Master wishes to engage in with his slave, and I am grateful he can enjoy them with you.

One last thing. I thank you, sincerely, for your interest in my dynamic with Master, for your interest in me, and for being absolutely stellar in navigating the situation maturely. My heart is at ease knowing Master is with you. I do look very much forward to meeting you one day, but only after you and Master know each other a tonne better, and also only after you fully embrace the fact that I have no desire to be treated as an equal to you. Truthfully, my belief that you are superior and that I am inferior helps me greatly in my desire to be cucked by you.

My warmest regards,


I thought I did a pretty good job. It’s warm without too much groveling. I know that when I used to domme, I appreciated a submissive with a mind of his own. I found groveling in the wrong context to be very much a turn off, and that was certainly not how I wished to appear. I wanted her to know that I have a mind of my own, that my circumstance is entirely consensual and desired. I also wanted her to know that I defer to her by choice, not because of low self-esteem or any lack of confidence on my part. It seems she liked my letter very much. I am pleased.

When I was done and had sent the letter off to Master via text, I got started on my next task – anal stretching. So anal stretching is a somewhat new kink that Master and I have been engaging in. I’m not absolutely new to it; we’ve done it a handful of times in the past, but I’ve certainly never been religious about it. It seems a wonderful addition to my degradation, though. After Master spends a few minutes stretching my ass, a process that’s getting quicker and easier by the day, I lose the ability to clench tightly on his cock and attain an anal orgasm. If the stretching is done slowly, I don’t cum much from it either, which leads to me truly being used for Master’s pleasure with little regard for my own.

The whole process took me perhaps ten minutes, first with the smaller dildo similar in size to Master’s cock, and then to the larger dildo which gives me a nice gape. I made sure to thrust it in and out of my ass many times for the camera, putting on a good show for Master and Ms D’s pleasure. When I was done, I inserted my butt plug and turned it on to vibrate, with the intention of keeping it in while I wrote my lines. I sent the video off the Master and promptly got started.

The last task took me the longest amount of time to complete. I love taking notes on my tablet as it’s easy to annotate pdfs, but writing on a glass screen is not the easiest. I ended up having to erase and rewrite many words to ensure they were neat and legible. By the time Master was done with play, I’d only written 37 lines. I spent another hour on the rest of the 62 lines, by which time Master was leaving Ms D’s apartment. The timing was perfect, really. We texted while he was in his Uber back to his room for the night, and we had a nice video call after.

Honestly, I think the night went extremely well. I was kept busy working on my tasks throughout, so my brain didn’t have much opportunity to go on an emotional roller-coaster of insecurity. However, I can’t say that I was devoid of jealousy. It was ever-present. I just didn’t have much time to feed it too much. That said, I did notice that my enthusiasm had waned dramatically by the time the night was through, despite it having been only four hours. I wasn’t sure why, but I communicated this to Master and shared that I needed time to process and decide if I wanted to continue being cucked this way. I thought, perhaps, it was the long-distance set up that might not be doing it for me. Master assured me my decision would be respected, but asked that I sleep on it first. And so I did.

I gave the matter a lot of thought before falling asleep, and some more in the morning. And then I had a bit of an epiphany. I realized that I’d been chasing the wrong thing with the cucking scenes. I’d been chasing a sexual high the entire time, but the truth was that no matter how well the scene went, I’d always be riddled with jealousy and negative thoughts by the end of it. The real “high” was to be found in the pre and post scenes Master and I had around the cucking, and the actual cucking itself was more a test of my obedience, dedication and discipline. I realized that there were many rules in our dynamic that didn’t always gel with me. Sleeping in the closet, for starters. Wearing my chastity belt 24/7. Giving up pussy pleasure for good. All of these were difficult, and I’d whined about each and every rule at some point or another, but the fact that they were out of my control forced me to accept and grow comfortable with them.

So today, I shared my thought process with Master and told him that as long as I retained control over cuckqueaning, I was definitely going to choose the easy way out. I am a sucker for suffering, yes, but there are moments when clearer heads prevail and what was once sexy no longer is. I knew what I had to do. I had to rescind my control over being cucked. This was always my ideal, but I retained my safeword at Master’s request because of how unsafe the kink was to my emotional state. I found myself at a crossroads of sorts. Either I retain control with the knowledge that I was very soon going to put an end to something that was complimentary to our dynamic, out of fear and other selfish reasons. Or I could give up said control and trust that Master will continue to abide by the boundaries we’ve set up together over the past few weeks. The decision was a simple one.

I proposed a three month contract during which I give up all veto power against Master seeing Ms D. The boundaries, if you’re interested, are that he sees her no more than one evening a week, does not stay over, has a video call with me as aftercare, preps me for the cucking, gives me tasks to keep me engaged while being cucked, and returns for a nice wrap up scene with me. So long as these are met, I opted not to have any control over whether or not I should be cucked. The answer is yes, I should. I have come to the realization that this is an important contributor to my ongoing degradation and dehumanization process. Taking it away puts things on easy mode, and that’s not how I like to play.

On Master’s approval, I wrote up the contract, listing all the rules, rituals and protocols we have in place, both pertaining to our lifestyle and cuckqueaning. It starts tomorrow. I feel, maybe not so surprisingly, at peace. At least now I know that even if I should suffer, it’s not my call to make it stop. And if I do suffer, it’s because it’s what Master wants, as with every other detail in our dynamic. This was the last bit of control I had retained and it feels fucking good to give it up.

Stretched to the max!

Photo by Deon Black on Unsplash

Master has been changing up the way we play of late and I absolutely love it. Our play typically revolves around some form of pain play, rough face fucking and a lot of anal pounding. For a long time now, it has been more or less always in that order. I guess there’s something quite meditative about pain play that we always start off with it, whether it’s solely impact or impact with a dose of something else, like clamps or electroplay. I can space quite easily with regular hard impact strokes, especially with thuddy implements and canes. I often take these while in a bentover position, honor bound to stay still, so the whole process is quite ritualistic.

This weekend, though, Master decided to shake things up. On Saturday, he threw me in the small closet for about fifteen minutes, always a nice way to get me in the mood while he picks out the toys he wants to use on me. When he pulled me out of the closet, he immediately had me kneel and suck him. Some face fucking ensued till he was nice and hard and I was choking on his cock. Then he had me get into what I best describe as the yoga pose, child’s pose, on the bed… Knees apart, butt to ankles, face and chest flat on the mattress, hands stretched out beyond my head, palms flat on the mattress as well.

I thought he was going to start giving me pain, but instead he started fingering my ass quite roughly and spanking my clit and pussy with his other hand. My goodness, was I wet. While thrusting his fingers deep in my ass, he started taunting me for having such a loose ass that he had zero difficulty getting all his fingers in. He reminded me that he can’t wait to fuck Ms D’s tight pussy this coming week, and of course that made me cream even more. By the time he shoved his cock in my ass, it was so warmed up there was no resistance. The humiliation continued with Master comparing my loose ass to Ms D’s tight pussy.

I figured we were going to focus on anal play for the scene, so color me surprised when he started paddling me with the delrin loop while balls deep in my ass, me lying face down on the bed. It was quite the experience to take pain while simultaneously being ass fucked. “Looks like this is what I need to do to make your ass tighter,” Master exclaimed. I hadn’t noticed, but it was true that I clenched my ass on his cock every time he hit me. That scene continued with him raining blows on my ass and thighs, fucking my ass and throat interchangeably. I felt like a piece of meat, for real, being tossed about, turned and orientated to suit his needs. He finished off on my face before sending me to clean myself up. Hot!

Today, I cleaned up our dildos for our scene, as requested. I brought two with me from Singapore. One is about the same size as Master in girth, but slightly shorter at 7″. The other is pretty thick, about 1.8″ in girth and also about 7″ long. I’ve been able to take it in the past with some warm up, but it’s never been very easy. Anyway, we started the scene with me in the closet again (starting to see a pattern here), and then he had me bend over the bed and hold my ass cheeks apart to start. He rubbed his cock along the length of my pussy, pushing it in just about halfway to lube himself up, then entered my ass quickly. Because of all the anal fucking we’ve been doing, this was easy for me to take.

He fucked me like this for a while before withdrawing and replacing his cock with the smaller dildo. It went in easily too. I guess he figured I needed a challenge so he swapped it out for the larger dildo, but guess what.. My ass swallowed that one too. Lol. Master started thrusting it in and out of my ass, focusing on stretching the entrance to my asshole, a sensation I quite enjoy because I can feel it pop in and out. He continued to stretch my ass with the large dildo and then his fingers for a bit, and then I heard him lubing something up, a lot of pressure at the entrance to my ass, followed by the sensation of being extremely filled up. Master had inserted his cock and the smaller dildo (same size as him) at the same time. I was being double penetrated in the ass!

Master told me to put my knees on the bed and to spread my ass cheeks with my hands. It was a little finicky as he started fucking me as the dildo kept threatening to slide out, so I held it in place as he fucked me hard. Wow, that was quite something. I wasn’t in any pain, but my ass felt stretched to the max. At some point, he removed the dildo and replaced it with his fingers. He could get all four fingers in around his cock while he pounded me. It felt amazing. He started humiliating me for having a loose ass, yet again, and made me tell him when he’d be getting Ms D’s tight pussy. “Wednesday night, Master, Wednesday night.” My head was all sorts of places by that point. I was thanking him for wrecking my one usable hole so he had more reason to appreciate Ms D’s tight pussy and ass. I felt like a fuck toy that he pushed to the limit, no care nor concern for keeping me tight, destroying my ass just because he could.

When he eventually had me lie face down on the bed and entered my ass with just his cock, I could hardly feel him and I knew he had to feel the same. I felt wrecked. I was sobbing into the duvet, apologizing for my useless hole. He, of course, was laughing and taunting me for being such a depraved useless pig. And so we continued, him shoving the dildo back in alongside his cock so I’d be tight enough for him to feel something. In this position with me face down, the dildo sat nicely against his pubic mound just above his cock and he was able to thrust hard alongside the dildo. I don’t know if it was from being overwhelmed or just from struggling to take the sheer size of what was in me, but I couldn’t cum from my ass at all. I have to admit I quite liked that, and I voiced it to Master. I felt like a fuck pig and thanked him for paying my pleasure no attention at all.

As though in response to this, Master pulled out and told me to flip over onto my back and hold my knees to my chest. He started spanking my exposed clit and pussy hard, bringing tears to my eyes. He taunted me more, telling me that this was what I deserved while Ms D would be the one enjoying his tongue, his fingers, the vibrator on her clit. Me? All I got was pain. I was so far gone at this point I think I was just mindlessly thanking him on repeat for ruining me. This time, he finished in my ass. I was surprised he could, since I definitely could feel him a lot less than usual.

It’s been a few hours since we fucked but my ass still has the nice sensation of being fucked and stretched hard. I’ve asked Master to continue stretching my ass please. I really do like the humiliation of being his loose piggy, feeding my cuckqueaning kink of him getting better tighter pussy elsewhere. This week should be fun with Master seeing Ms D for the second time. We’ve discussed tasks for me to do while he’s with her and we’ll have our call after to round up the scene. I’m hopeful for a good cucking experience so that I can truly start embracing my new life. ❤️

Sleeping Arrangements

Photo by James Forbes on Unsplash

This seems such a paltry thing, and yet it’s been the most prominent reminder of my place in Master’s home. I have a spent a total of six nights in my piggy bed in Master’s closet thus far, starting just over a week ago. We began with me alternating nights in the closet with nights in Master’s bed, but I’ve since spent the past three nights entirely in the closet.

The floorspace of the closet is 150cm in length and 50cm in depth. I can’t extend my legs fully, but they’re not drawn in too tight either. I sleep on a duvet folded four times on itself so it’s quite padded, but of course I can still feel the base of the closet beneath it. It’s nothing like a proper mattress. I have my pillow and a fleece blanket to keep warm.

I can’t say I sleep very comfortably, but that’s the whole point. Master likes me suffering so I remember that I’m his slave, not his wife. A lot of our protocols and rituals are designed to remove any entitlements I might harbour of being his wife. I guess sleeping in the same bed is quite a big entitlement, thus he has taken it upon himself to kick me out of his bed.

Last night, Master took things up a level but shutting the doors to the closet and locking them from the outside after tucking me to bed. (We’ve checked and there is ample airflow since this is an old closet and the doors don’t align tightly at the sides.) It was quite an experience being locked in the closet last night, I’ll admit. I like being confined in small and tight spaces, but once the lights in the bedroom were turned off, it was pitch black in the closet. I could see nothing, no shadows, no shapes, nothing.

The difference in headspace that this small act put me in was tremendous. Suddenly, I was not just his slave sleeping in a pet bed, I was something inhuman that he stored away when not in use… Akin to a piece of property, kept under lock and key. I remember testing the boundaries of the locked closet space, feeling the lack of give of the doors against my hands. I remember the helplessness of knowing I was stuck inside till Master awoke and let me out. If I needed the toilet, I was fucked. (Reminder to self to make sure not to drink too much water close to bedtime and to empty my bladder beforehand!)

A lot of the things we do are hatched in my perverse brain and picked up and expanded on by Master. This particular one… I can’t really remember who seeded it. It might have been me, it might have been Master. But I was definitely the one who was overenthusiastic and cleared out the closet so I could try spending a night in it. Well, this might be one of my biggest regrets because Master loves it so much it looks like I’ll only be allowed to sleep in his bed very occasionally. He says he sleeps much better now, and I guess I can’t argue with that.

Today, I asked him where I would sleep in our new place. We haven’t bought one yet but we intend to get our own place by year end. He replied that he doesn’t know yet, but definitely someplace very demeaning, like perhaps in the laundry room. The cogs of my depraved brain immediately starting turning, imagining a future where I am no longer a resident of Master’s bedroom, where my clothes and personal possessions are stored elsewhere (in the laundry room or store room or wherever), and Master’s room is solely his.

Of course, Master likes the idea so I guess this is the future that awaits me. I found some pictures of loft beds in laundry rooms where the bed is suspended above the washing machine and dryer, but Master replied to say it was too comfortable for me. So I found other pictures of giant dog cages built into furniture and he liked what he saw. We’ll probably still get a proper long bdsm cage for the bedroom, but it’ll be solely for when I’ve been good (and hot cuckqueaning scenes). All other times, I will sleep in my slave quarters, outside of Master’s room.

Can’t wait.

Waxing Lyrical, Yet Again

Photo by Jacqueline Munguía on Unsplash

For 7 weeks now, I have been Master’s slave and I truly have never been happier. I apologize that I keep waxing lyrical about my dynamic, but I really love how it’s fallen into place in such an effortless manner. The knowledge that Master is invested in training me to become the slave he wants thrills me to no end. It’s quiet within me when it comes to serving him. I love the inner peace and serenity it brings me. There is no questioning, second guessing, entertaining of doubts in my mind. It’s like I am finally where I have always wanted to be, on my knees and at his feet.

Yes, I am *stocktaking* again, as I am often wont to do. I like to read and reread the progression in my dynamic from day to day, week to week, month to month, and hopefully year to year. So let’s see… Where shall I begin?

I have been locked in my chastity belt since the 15th of February. It comes off whenever we fuck, and for the first few weeks, Master allowed me a few nights with it off, especially when pressure marks on my hips started appearing. However, we’ve since tightened the belt (I lost a little bit of weight) and with a  better fit, I now no longer require breaks. Master removes the belt prior to us fucking and it goes back on right after. Of course I take the opportunity to give it a good clean, and since we fuck nearly nightly, hygiene hasn’t been an issue. Interestingly, I kept the belt on throughout my menstruation, wearing panties with a sanitary pad over the belt. Yes, it got dirty, but it was nothing a good hot shower couldn’t fix. We are in the market for a stricter belt (I’m eyeing NeoSteel), probably with an anal opening so we have a little bit of variety.

I really love being in chastity. I’ve gotten so used to being belted that it feels weird to have it off. I actually fall asleep easier with the belt on now than without. How strange is that. It’s such a lovely and constant reminder that I belong to Master, so much so that I don’t even have access to my clit and pussy until he wants me to. I love going out with the belt on, knowing I wear this symbol of his ownership that no one else can see. I’m hoping that Master will be able to fuck me through the rear opening of the new belt, rendering it absolutely unnecessary to unlock me at all.

Master has been using my mouth daily. Whenever he surfs porn in his home office and wanks, he calls me in to ‘finish him off’ which I am more than happy to do. I crawl under his desk and suck him till he cums, swallow, clean him up with my mouth, thank him for using me and leave. Depending on the time of day, he usually tells me «get out» or «that’s all piggy, you may go now» after he cums. I really like the space it puts me in – I am just a cum receptacle for him in these moments, and the belt ensures I remain selfless in my endeavors. Master doesn’t even look at me while I suck him, he just continues surfing porn as though I am not there, which is such a turn on. I always get very wet serving him this way.

Master fucks me in the ass almost daily now. Thanks to a follower on FL who pointed me to some resources on healthier enemas, my enemas are now fast and painless. Master lets me know by mid-afternoon if he’ll be using me at night, and I clean myself up if he will. Our sessions are rough and intense with a lot of face slapping, face fucking and anal pounding. My clit is usually ignored, save for Master rubbing his cock against it while lubing himself up with my wetness. We don’t even need lube for anal sex, that’s how wet I get. I get to cum freely from my ass, Master wants my anal orgasms to be the only type of orgasm I enjoy, so that I will crave anal sex, not that I don’t already.

Master has also been giving me a lot of pain. At least once a week, sometimes more, he stripes my ass, thighs and calves with the rattan cane and delrin paddle. We brought other impact toys with us to France, but I’m such a sucker for pain that these are the two I gravitate towards, since they are the harshest. I love it when I have bruises on my ass and down my thighs, even better when they hurt so badly I feel them every time I sit. The pain is such a lovely reminder of my place as his pain pig.

I am still disallowed cunnilingus, finger fucking (or any pussy action really), and making out with Master. When we play/fuck, it really revolves around Master taking pleasure from me or giving me pain. His training has been very effective because I now keep thinking about these little acts which I used to love but not think too much of, and the humiliation of being permanently denied them (except once a year on our wedding anniversary) keeps me exceptionally turned on. Of course, as I’ve mentioned many times in my other posts, knowing that Master engages in these very acts with his cuckcakes reinforces the difference in treatment between them and me.

I’ve been sleeping most nights in the closet, starting about a week ago. For the first few days, we alternated between having me sleep in the closet and in Master’s bed, but it looks like I will be spending most of my nights in the closet moving forward. Master really loves tucking me in like a pet, giving me a kiss on the forehead and then getting to have the whole of his bed to himself. It took me a few nights to get used to sleeping in the closet since I can’t stretch out fully, but the last few nights have been fine. This one is an interesting development because we both really enjoy sleeping together, but I have to admit that sleeping in my piggy bed, as we lovingly call it, puts me in such a good headspace. The rare nights that Master allows me in his bed are special as a result, and I have come to appreciate them a whole lot more than I used to when they were a given.

Another recent development is that I now no longer have jurisdiction to choose and purchase my own clothes. Having been quite a shopaholic in the past, this will take getting used to. However, because of my current priorities, I haven’t been shopping at all on my own. The few shopping trips I’ve taken have been with Master, and he has been the one to send me to the changing room with items he chose. I really like that, so we decided to ‘officialise’ it. I’m not worried about this as Master has impeccable taste. Honestly, for the past few years, I’ve relied on him to ‘ok’ the things I purchase, so this is just us making it an actual rule. It’s perhaps one of the last bits of autonomy I still held on to, so while it is a small decision, it’s a pretty big step in my books.

My life is pretty simple now. My days are spent simply. I have tasks to complete, mostly pertaining to the housework, my French studies and exercise. Occasionally, Master has errands that he wants me to run and he’ll send me out of the house to get some fresh air. I will admit I am a hermit. If I can afford it, I probably would stay home every single day, so Master sends me on these little trips every week or so just to ensure I take a walk around the neighbourhood. I won’t talk about this much because I’ve already covered my daily tasks in detail in earlier writings.

I am aware that my training involves a lot of conditioning. Master has my enthusiastic consent, of course. In fact, a lot of the things we do were seeded by me and he took them on, developed them and ensured my obedience. A lot of the things we do might seem extreme, not because of how hardcore they are (they aren’t) but because they enter the realm of behaviour modification. The only reason why I feel safe enough to engage in these with Master is because he is my husband and life partner. I used to believe that submission was a gift, but that’s bull. I submit because it makes me feel alive, happy, at peace, and there’s really no other way I know how to be.

The Beauty of Subtlety

Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

But here’s the truth. Master makes me feel like I’m rediscovering submission all over again. He makes me feel like all the times I’d done so in the past were flawed, fake or forced. Our play isn’t extreme. We don’t do anything that breaches the surface of the skin. He doesn’t leave me bloody, he doesn’t even leave me (too) badly bruised. And yet, the little things he does to me give me a submissive high that I’ve never experienced before and that I’ve come to crave with my entire being.

I’ve always prided myself on being an experienced submissive. I’ve been “in the scene” for close to two decades, I’ve served many dominants, some for the duration of a scene or more, some for months and some for years. I’ve tried all manner of kinks, from bondage to impact to needles. Heck, I was so “experienced” I even ran workshops, parties and once wore the hat of “community leader”.

Master’s training is subtle. We don’t have a contract, nor do we we have very specific rules (apart from orgasms), rituals nor protocol. And yet, when I think about it, I know instinctively what is expected of me all the time. And it dawned on me that he’s been training me all this while, I just didn’t realize it. He shares his expectations in very small doses and only adds on new ones when the previous have become habits. When I point out that something I’ve been doing feels like a rule, ritual or protocol, he’s happy to “officialise” it, but the truth is, it takes zero effort on my part to keep to it because I’m already trained.

I don’t even know how he does it. How does he have such a macro view over what he wants to mold me into? How does he keep something so big from me, and how does he have the patience to wait months, even years for me to slowly grow into new habits? Half of me is super impressed and half of me thinks he must be a sociopath. 😂 I feel like his life project and I’m both flattered and terrified. How much more does he have in store for me over the coming years and decades?

Today, we went shopping. It was such an innocent activity. Before we left the house, Master’s only instruction was that my collar be visible. I wore a sweater top, skinny jeans, a black padded jacket and my collar. The goal of the trip was to buy a couple of work outfits for Master, him having recently started a client facing high pressure job where image is key. The whole time we were in the mall, Master walked purposefully from shop to shop. He never held my hand and I just did my best to keep up.

Each parcel he purchased, he handed to me before heading to his next destination. At some point, he finally looked at me and said that I was being a good serving piggy, carrying his purchases. His words made me feel immensely proud and also made me a little wet. After that, there was no need for prompting, I immediately took each parcel in hand after payment. At our final stop, while we waited for the items to be rung up, he tugged on the ring on my collar and gave my ear a little kiss, making my sticky situation even stickier. The sales ladies noticed our little conversation and loving gestures and commented that we were “très mignons” (very cute). If they only knew.

It was only after the last stop that Master took a few bags from my hands, telling me jokingly that he didn’t want people to judge him. As we headed back to the car, he commented that he had really enjoyed the shopping trip with his good serving piggy. There was no waiting, no dilly dallying while choosing colors, etc. I laughed and told him he could choose my clothes in future. He replied that he would, and also that he’s actually already been doing so for some time now, I just haven’t noticed. That got me thinking and I realized he was absolutely right. Mind blown, yet again.

And this is how my training has been so far. Master basically lets me do whatever comes naturally, whatever feels right. And then he prompts and refines till it’s exactly what he wants, but it never feels unnatural nor forced. My innate desire to please him fuels me to learn, remember and replicate. My trust in him fuels me to let go. It doesn’t come from a place of fear or even of wanting to be a better submissive/slave, it comes from a place of love.

Cucked by Ms D Part 2

cuckquPhoto by We-Vibe Toys on Unsplash

Please find Part 1 here.

This post is more introspection, less sex. Master and I have not had our customary “wrap up” scene. We usually have a light one on Friday night (tonight) and then an intense one on Sunday. So, this post is more of a summary of how the night went and my thoughts/feelings on it.

This particular cuckqueaning experience was a very positive one for me. As I shared in the first post, I was tasked by Master to apply nipple clamps at the start of his dinner with Ms D, and it wasn’t until 40 minutes later that she sent me a voice message through Master giving me permission to remove them. This little act kept me somewhat involved while being in an entirely different city.

Master also followed up with a picture of his lovely date which made me feel all sorts of things. Ms D is attractive in an unconventional way, which I know appeals greatly to Master. She exudes an air of confidence which adds to her allure. I also know that she is very accomplished, a little nugget of information Master slipped in, that got me feeling rather small. And then there was the fact that they were enjoying food and wine in what looked like a very nice restaurant. This got me a little jealous as Master and I rarely dine out, usually only on special occasions. (Note: Nice dinners are a reward for my good behaviour, thus they are not an entitlement I expect as Master’s wife.)

The rest of the night while they adjourned to Ms D’s place and played was quiet for me. Master updated with short texts here and there, but I was otherwise on my own. This is probably the part where it started getting a little difficult. Still, I knew Master would be returning to his room for the night, and I had asked for him to text me when he left. If I was still up, I badly wanted some time on a call with him. I went to sleep in my piggy bed, though I knew it would be fitful.

And this is where it got a little bit awry. I awoke just past 2am and saw a few texts from Master saying he was done and would be leaving soon. These had been sent about 30 minutes prior at 1.30am. So I got in touch, hoping to catch him on his way back, but was met with silence for close to an hour. Logically, I knew that he had probably forgotten the time and was still at her place, but I started getting very anxious. Anyway, when he finally checked his texts at 3am, he let me know he was leaving and we had our call.

I’ll admit I was fuming. I felt extremely out of control having him disappear on me the way he did. However, on his end, he’d assumed I’d gone to sleep and didn’t feel the need to update me again. It was a classic case of miscommunication and the experience taught us the importance of very regular check-ins for me to feel secure. It also made me realise that I personally require a debrief call with Master after each scene, sort of aftercare for me. Even though I am not physically present, the whole experience is in essence a very intense emotional scene.

Although this part of the night was challenging, I’m really happy it gave us an opportunity to discover my needs to keep me feeling safe. We had a good talk and I identified two things. The first, as mentioned above, is a debrief after the scene. The second, I discovered quite unexpectedly. I discovered that it really bothers me in a bad way when Master spends the night with someone else. When Master had failed to respond to his messages, my brain had instantly gone down the rabbit hole assuming he’d fallen asleep and would be spending the night, and that was not ok. I didn’t realise it at the time, but it was precisely the sleeping over that had made the previous two cuckings so difficult for me.

However, I didn’t know why this mattered so much to me and I wasn’t able to express it to Master either until last night. I attended TheKinkShrink’s workshop on jealousy and she explained there were two types between couples – sexual jealousy and emotional jealousy. That’s when it started to make sense. I fetishize sexual jealousy, but emotional jealousy is currently a limit. I relish the jealousy and humiliation from Master playing with and fucking someone else, but I am unable to process the jealousy of him being intimate with someone else and potentially developing feelings. Sleeping sans sex with someone else is a whole lot more intimate than fucking, and this makes me jealous in a bad way.

I’m reassured that Master is respectful of my needs and willing to give me time to embrace the situation. We agreed on certain boundaries (no sleeping over, a call at the end of the night) for the time being, until I get more comfortable with the whole situation. I am aware that emotions will inevitably develop in any relationship, play or otherwise, and I am also aware that not spending the night is arbitrary in nature. I am certain that I will be able to accept this eventually, but for now, this helps me a tonne.

On the upside, Master is very taken by Ms D, so taken that he shared he would like to see her exclusively. I am surprisingly comfortable with this. I find Ms D to be very respectful of our dynamic and interested in contributing to it. And honestly, the knowledge that just one other woman is getting all the pleasure and orgasms that I’m not is HOT. This opens up so many more possibilities in the future for a more intense cuckqueaning dynamic. I do seek her patience in allowing me to get used to things little by little, as I have always been able to do in the past.

I am well aware that it is not possible to prevent the development of feelings, even if a relationship is supposed to be purely sexual. Over time, fondness and attachment grows and I am prepared for that. Master and I had a good discussion and agreed that our dynamic would always take centrestage. I still hold the right to my safeword, but I agreed not to use it unless my boundaries are breached or our dynamic is affected. For now, I think this is the best deliverance of control I can manage in the context of cuckqueaning, and I am comfortable with that.

Finally, I have so many ideas on how I see this dynamic potentially growing with Ms D, but I think that deserves its own post. I’ll end off by letting you know that I wrote her a nice little thank-you message for taking such good care of Master. I really hope she likes it. 🙂

Cucked by Ms D Part 1

Photo by armina arhm on Unsplash

Master is having dinner with Ms D right now. They just met, and I received the instruction from Master to put on my nipple clamps. He will inform her of them at some point through dinner and she will decide when I get to remove them. I felt ambitious so rather than go with the easy rubber tipped clamps on a chain, I selected the clover clamps with weights. Master said he likes it when I am ambitious. I hope I don’t live to regret this.

The pain helps me focus. It cuts through all the emotional hoops and gives me something tangible to focus on – my poor nipples. I’m sitting as still as I can so as not to make the weights swing too much, so I’m typing this out on my smartphone rather than on my computer. Master told me to be prepared to keep them on for long, and I’m secretly hoping I’ll get to suffer throughout their dinner. The knowledge that I’m in pain while they’re getting to know each other and flirting is such a turn on.

This will be the third time that Master is cucking me in a month. This time feels a lot easier. I think I’ve finally got used to Master taking his weekly trips to Paris. Before these, we’d never spent nights apart at all, so they certainly took some getting used to. I think I’ve also learnt to embrace my role as Master’s cuckquean slave with a lot more grace than before. I guess Master was right when he said that I would get used to it, just as I’ve got used to wearing the chastity belt and now my collar 24/7, just as I’ve got used to going without vaginal sex and clitoral stimulation, just as I will also get used to sleeping in Master’s closet.

Last night, Master prepped me for today’s cucking by having me worship his feet and then his cock. Foot worship is something that we only recently started doing, when I begged Master to “officially” deny me certain things. Over time, Master had already stopped engaging in these acts with me as part of my training to be his anal-only fuck pig, but he never made it known that they were off the table, so I sought some clarification. The acts I’m no longer eligible for are pussy fucking (obviously), fingering of my pussy, cunnilingus, and making out with Master. Instead, I get fingered and fucked in the ass, and I get to make out with Master’s feet. 🥺 (There’s no substitute for cunnilingus, sadly.)

I love making out with Master’s feet because it makes me feel so low and so small. It’s still winter here so it’s pretty cold. I usually get under the duvet and lay myself diagonal to Master, my face where his feet are. There, I kiss, lick and suck till Master nudges me to tell me to switch foot, or that he’s had enough. He always laughs, whenever I am done, that my face smells like his feet. No wonder he won’t kiss me! While making out with Master’s feet, I like to imagine him making out with other women. Master is a passionate kisser and it must feel so very nice to make out with him. It’s a pity I no longer deserve such pleasures.

When I was done, Master hugged me close and started teasing me by telling me what he would do to Ms D today. He said he hasn’t licked a pussy in a long time and he’s looking forward to doing that. Of course that made me squirm and gush. To drive his point home, he brought his fingers up against my chastity shield, right where my clit was, and gave it a little push. I couldn’t feel anything but my mind could imagine how it might feel if the shield weren’t present. I miss the attention, I really do, but again, I know I no longer deserve such pleasures.

I asked Master if I could suck his cock and he agreed, so I slid under the covers and gently sucked on his cock till I felt him grow in my mouth. He’d shared that he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to perform, having a very high pressure meeting the following morning. His mind was on work and it was difficult for him to get it off work, but I set my mind to try. I got between his legs and started alternating between using my hand and mouth on his cock and deepthroating him. It wasn’t too long before he got very hard, and I emerged from under the covers and told him, in a playful manner, “Master, it doesn’t look like you have any trouble getting hard.” He laughed, unlocked my chastity belt and we had intense anal sex.

I knew Master still wasn’t sure if he’d be able to orgasm, but he pounded me hard regardless, knowing full well that I needed it that night, especially before a cucking scene the next day. But guess what? Maybe it was the combination of my wailing and my tears, but he came. Hard. Of course, I was a proud little piggy and it showed. On my end, I thoroughly enjoyed the pounding, especially when it provided a nice respite from the migraine I had been nursing since the morning. Master didn’t slap me in this scene nor shake my head around too much as he didn’t want to make it worse, but the fucking sure helped, at least for the time we fucked.

As we lay in bed cuddling, Master suggested that I sleep in my piggy bed that night, rather than wait till the following night. I must have looked surprised at his suggestion as he asked if I was up for it. I’ll admit that I had to think it over a little. On one hand, I wanted to sleep with Master the night before he left for Paris, but on the other, I knew that sleeping in my piggy bed was a good practice and would help keep me in a good space. So I agreed, and I asked to be tucked in after we’d cuddled a little bit more.

When Master was ready to turn the lights off, he headed off to use the restroom a last time and told me to enjoy the last few minutes in his bed. I felt at peace when I heard that, for some reason. When he got back to the bedroom, I was ready with my pillow in hand. He opened the closet door and I climbed inside and got comfortable. He gave me a kiss on the forehead and then shut the doors, leaving them ajar so that airflow wouldn’t be an issue. I didn’t sleep very well last night, a mixture of sleeping in a new bed and also managing my migraine pain which had returned with a vengeance. But my heart was at peace, I felt like I was exactly where I should be.

This morning, before Master left, I shared with him that I had struggled to sleep last night. He replied that I would get used to it, but that I might get to share his bed when he returns on Thursday. ❤️ Annnddd I just received a little voice message from Ms D permitting me to remove my clamps. It sounds like their dinner is going well and I’m going to channel happy thoughts and good feelings to get me through the rest of the night.