Have you, by any chance, heard of the ‘tradwife’ movement? Perhaps I am a little late to the game, but I only just discovered the term. My initial reaction was one of amusement because this lifestyle has long been known to those in the kink-world as ‘taken-in-hand’ or ‘1950s household’ dynamics. For a moment, I wondered if this was yet another example of kink entering the mainstream world, just like with the whole fifty shades debacle. I have to admit it got me a little excited at first because, as you know, Master and I are in such a dynamic, and so I thought, “Hey, that’s me, isn’t it? Am I a tradwife?”
In summary, yes, yes I am. However, my initial discovery led me to a plethora of other articles discussing this movement and some of its ideals in greater detail. I uncovered certain problematic associations… the term has been tied to white supremacy and even the Nazis, drawing comparisons between the tradwife and the type of housewife promoted by the Third Reich. Honestly, coming from Asia, wives fulfilling traditional roles are not uncommon at all. They are dying out due to the rising cost of living, but I know many wives who have given up their careers to focus on their families. No one really bats an eyelid. But then again, they aren’t championing their way of life on social media!
And therein lies the problem… What I find deeply concerning is that some tradwives and their supporters are of the belief that the rightful place of women is at home. This- this is something I absolutely do not agree with. I might be a submissive and I might be a stay-at-home wife, but I am also very much a feminist. I think that it is imperative that women have the power to make decisions about what they want to do with their lives. I think the aggressive manner in which some content creators promote their way of life as being the one TRUE way of life detracts from the accomplishments of feminists in the past decades. Side note: Doesn’t that sound familiar? I know of one too many TRUE ‘dominants’ trumpeting their style of BDSM as the one TRUE way.
Nevertheless, my little foray down the rabbit hole got me reflecting on my own dynamic, in particular the nature of my household. Master and I are in a very traditional set-up by choice, which makes me by definition a traditional wife, a tradwife. I would like to reclaim the term in a positive manner, dispelling the toxic arguments put forth by extremists. This is not a woman’s place, just as not every woman has to be submissive. I choose to be a tradwife and I choose to be submissive because this works within the confines of my marriage, and more importantly, it makes me happy. But seriously, you do you.
When asked to define my dynamic, I personally prefer the term ‘taken-in-hand’ simply because I don’t identify with the aesthetic of the 1950s housewife. Lol. Yes, I know that’s very shallow of me, but hear me out. Florals and perfectly coiffed curls are not my thing. I don’t imagine many housewives in the 1950s run around in sexy Wicked Weasel (google if you don’t know) outfits during the warmer months and trackpants in winter. I mean, I try, but I don’t always look put together when I’m at home. I guess Master would like it if I were, but really, I’m too lazy. There are days where I look absolutely fuckable and days where I look like I’m homeless.
We hadn’t always intended for me to be a tradwife. Prior to our move to France, we were prepared for me to take a year or two to focus on picking up the language and figuring out what I wanted to do for work. However, we’ve found this way of life to be very fulfilling for the both of us. Yes I know, I can talk, considering I don’t have to work. All I do is cook and keep house and I have all the time in the world to focus on the things I love. But from Master’s perspective, he very much appreciates that he can channel all of his focus into his work without worrying about his next meal or having to clean the toilet or to take out the trash. We eat healthily and well, and the house is always spick and span.
So this has been my way of life for the past year. I’ve been a fulltime homemaker/slave to Master and I absolutely love it. My job is everything house and food related, done according to Master’s preferences, if any. My job is to ensure Master is happy, comfortable and sexually fulfilled. And on top of all that, my job is also to continue working on myself. I work out and eat healthily to keep myself in good shape, I work consistently on my French and I also work on improving my cooking, baking and housekeeping skills. Would I change anything? No, I wouldn’t. I think, as a submissive, I am very much fulfilled being of service to my Master.
Yes, there have been changes in autonomy, but coming from the perspective of a submissive in an M/s dynamic, it’s very much normal to me. Master always has the final say in all big decisions. What television should we get? I don’t know, Master decided on it. Should we get a second car? I guess so, if Master thinks it’s within our budget. If I really want to go to a restaurant for a meal, I make a request and Master decides when is best. Sometimes, it’s the following week, sometimes later. However, if you consider the fact that I don’t even get to decide when I cum next, this all seems pretty paltry in comparison, no?
And this leads me back to my first question. Have you heard of the ‘tradwife’ movement? What are your thoughts? From the perspective of a female submissive who already lives by many of the ideals of said movement, should I/we be focusing on reclaiming and redefining the term, or should we be distancing ourselves from potentially problematic associations?
6 thoughts on “I’m a ‘tradwife’, I think?”
While I do work outside the home, it is by choice not out of necessity or requirement. And aside from that fact, which is of course huge, I’d otherwise associate myself and our ways as a tradwife, very much the same as you. I think women should have choices, but making a choice to stay home and a submissive wife should not be deemed inadequate or otherwise negatively either.
I love what you wrote and how you said it fits well. I am happy to see submissive, stay-at-home BY CHOICE is becoming a more mainstream reality,
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This is, I believe, one of the main differences between the tradwife movement and the kink equivalents. I don’t think it’s mandatory for the submissive to be completely stay-at-home in order for the dynamic to fall into those categories. Even when I worked (albeit with flexible timings), I managed everything to do with the household with Master helping me out only when required. I think it’s more a matter of being clear about the roles within the confines of the household and not so much about whether one or both parties are making an income. I still make a side income but I consider myself a stay-at-home submissive wife.
I think the one thing I appreciate about the movement is that it’s making an attempt to normalise women choosing to stay home rather than make careers for themselves. I still shy away from admitting that this is a permanent choice, preferring instead to say that I’m taking a sabbatical, simply because it’s more socially acceptable.
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I like the part you say about normalizing behaviors… and while I admit it’s truth, I wish the part you say about denying yourself the ability to say your choice is permanent (and intentional) due to social accessibility wasn’t the reality of things too.
When our son was a newborn and for about 4-years, I was quite literally nothing but a stay-at-home wife and mother. And when you meet people, the first thing (after asking your name) they say is, “and what do you do?”… when I said stay-at-home, they say, “oh…. Good for you.” And there’s nothing more that they can think of to say. It’s strange and awkward.
I pray this movement changes that for all people, including you especially (more than me, but me too) but all people who chose to stay home. ❤️
my life sounds very similar to your right down to the track pants and orgasms, or lack there of! i personally have chosen to distance myself from the movement because of the negative aspects that live inside. i don’t think i could even be loud enough to change the tone of their message and therefor i stay away.
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Thank you for your input. Nice to know we live very similar dynamics! It’s unfortunate that the movement has evolved into something quite problematic. Otherwise, it would have been refreshing to see the option of staying home being de-stigmatised.
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agreed! as a feminist myself i hate the idea that the extremists who call for freedom refuse to acknowledge our freedom to chose to ‘stay home’, it only counts as freedom if we chose to live like them, apparently.