Recuperative Reflections

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

The past two weeks have been incredibly dreary. Having spent the previous seven full weeks in intense M/s mode with regular cuckings and plenty (and I mean plenty) of play, being forced to put everything on pause for a fortnight feels like a huge slap back to reality. Except, it isn’t MY reality.

Don’t worry, nothing’s happened on the relationship front. Master and I are still very much in sync, our contract is still very much in force. We are just both recovering from Covid. We are at the tail end of the infection right about now, but it hasn’t been an easy two weeks.

When I say everything has been on pause, I mean it. I haven’t been sleeping in the closet, I haven’t been wearing my chastity belt, I haven’t even been wearing my collar. I need to sleep well in order to recover, I had indisgestion which made the belt inconvenient, and the collar made me cough even more.

I have been incredibly horny, but up till today, my body hasn’t felt capable of being beaten-up and ass-fucked hard the way I would like. I haven’t been feeling altogether submissive either. It was difficult when my brain was perpetually foggy and the pressure from my swollen sinuses overrode most feelings of arousal.

But good god, I really desire to be beaten down. Bless Master, I’ve been quite unmanageable while being ill. The sexual frustration from not being able to play, not being able to cum, not being able to do very much at all put me on edge. I’ve been rather sharp with my words and nonchalant with my actions. I know I’m going to pay for it when we next play, which I’m really hoping will be tomorrow.

Master made a comment that it’s interesting to see how my personality is so different when I’m vanilla and when I’m not. Of course, he ended off by saying that he can’t wait to dehumanize me again, because apparently, I’m a lot less insufferable that way. 😂 Can’t deny I prefer myself better that way too… But it’s interesting in these moments of clarity to identify just how different I am when I’m a happy piggy.

Maybe we need to think about how better we can cope with future bouts of illnesses so they don’t upend all our hard work. Or maybe there really isn’t any way around it but to trust that we can pause things and pick them up right back again.

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