The Beauty of Subtlety

Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

But here’s the truth. Master makes me feel like I’m rediscovering submission all over again. He makes me feel like all the times I’d done so in the past were flawed, fake or forced. Our play isn’t extreme. We don’t do anything that breaches the surface of the skin. He doesn’t leave me bloody, he doesn’t even leave me (too) badly bruised. And yet, the little things he does to me give me a submissive high that I’ve never experienced before and that I’ve come to crave with my entire being.

I’ve always prided myself on being an experienced submissive. I’ve been “in the scene” for close to two decades, I’ve served many dominants, some for the duration of a scene or more, some for months and some for years. I’ve tried all manner of kinks, from bondage to impact to needles. Heck, I was so “experienced” I even ran workshops, parties and once wore the hat of “community leader”.

Master’s training is subtle. We don’t have a contract, nor do we we have very specific rules (apart from orgasms), rituals nor protocol. And yet, when I think about it, I know instinctively what is expected of me all the time. And it dawned on me that he’s been training me all this while, I just didn’t realize it. He shares his expectations in very small doses and only adds on new ones when the previous have become habits. When I point out that something I’ve been doing feels like a rule, ritual or protocol, he’s happy to “officialise” it, but the truth is, it takes zero effort on my part to keep to it because I’m already trained.

I don’t even know how he does it. How does he have such a macro view over what he wants to mold me into? How does he keep something so big from me, and how does he have the patience to wait months, even years for me to slowly grow into new habits? Half of me is super impressed and half of me thinks he must be a sociopath. 😂 I feel like his life project and I’m both flattered and terrified. How much more does he have in store for me over the coming years and decades?

Today, we went shopping. It was such an innocent activity. Before we left the house, Master’s only instruction was that my collar be visible. I wore a sweater top, skinny jeans, a black padded jacket and my collar. The goal of the trip was to buy a couple of work outfits for Master, him having recently started a client facing high pressure job where image is key. The whole time we were in the mall, Master walked purposefully from shop to shop. He never held my hand and I just did my best to keep up.

Each parcel he purchased, he handed to me before heading to his next destination. At some point, he finally looked at me and said that I was being a good serving piggy, carrying his purchases. His words made me feel immensely proud and also made me a little wet. After that, there was no need for prompting, I immediately took each parcel in hand after payment. At our final stop, while we waited for the items to be rung up, he tugged on the ring on my collar and gave my ear a little kiss, making my sticky situation even stickier. The sales ladies noticed our little conversation and loving gestures and commented that we were “très mignons” (very cute). If they only knew.

It was only after the last stop that Master took a few bags from my hands, telling me jokingly that he didn’t want people to judge him. As we headed back to the car, he commented that he had really enjoyed the shopping trip with his good serving piggy. There was no waiting, no dilly dallying while choosing colors, etc. I laughed and told him he could choose my clothes in future. He replied that he would, and also that he’s actually already been doing so for some time now, I just haven’t noticed. That got me thinking and I realized he was absolutely right. Mind blown, yet again.

And this is how my training has been so far. Master basically lets me do whatever comes naturally, whatever feels right. And then he prompts and refines till it’s exactly what he wants, but it never feels unnatural nor forced. My innate desire to please him fuels me to learn, remember and replicate. My trust in him fuels me to let go. It doesn’t come from a place of fear or even of wanting to be a better submissive/slave, it comes from a place of love.

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