Cucked by Ms D Part 2

cuckquPhoto by We-Vibe Toys on Unsplash

Please find Part 1 here.

This post is more introspection, less sex. Master and I have not had our customary “wrap up” scene. We usually have a light one on Friday night (tonight) and then an intense one on Sunday. So, this post is more of a summary of how the night went and my thoughts/feelings on it.

This particular cuckqueaning experience was a very positive one for me. As I shared in the first post, I was tasked by Master to apply nipple clamps at the start of his dinner with Ms D, and it wasn’t until 40 minutes later that she sent me a voice message through Master giving me permission to remove them. This little act kept me somewhat involved while being in an entirely different city.

Master also followed up with a picture of his lovely date which made me feel all sorts of things. Ms D is attractive in an unconventional way, which I know appeals greatly to Master. She exudes an air of confidence which adds to her allure. I also know that she is very accomplished, a little nugget of information Master slipped in, that got me feeling rather small. And then there was the fact that they were enjoying food and wine in what looked like a very nice restaurant. This got me a little jealous as Master and I rarely dine out, usually only on special occasions. (Note: Nice dinners are a reward for my good behaviour, thus they are not an entitlement I expect as Master’s wife.)

The rest of the night while they adjourned to Ms D’s place and played was quiet for me. Master updated with short texts here and there, but I was otherwise on my own. This is probably the part where it started getting a little difficult. Still, I knew Master would be returning to his room for the night, and I had asked for him to text me when he left. If I was still up, I badly wanted some time on a call with him. I went to sleep in my piggy bed, though I knew it would be fitful.

And this is where it got a little bit awry. I awoke just past 2am and saw a few texts from Master saying he was done and would be leaving soon. These had been sent about 30 minutes prior at 1.30am. So I got in touch, hoping to catch him on his way back, but was met with silence for close to an hour. Logically, I knew that he had probably forgotten the time and was still at her place, but I started getting very anxious. Anyway, when he finally checked his texts at 3am, he let me know he was leaving and we had our call.

I’ll admit I was fuming. I felt extremely out of control having him disappear on me the way he did. However, on his end, he’d assumed I’d gone to sleep and didn’t feel the need to update me again. It was a classic case of miscommunication and the experience taught us the importance of very regular check-ins for me to feel secure. It also made me realise that I personally require a debrief call with Master after each scene, sort of aftercare for me. Even though I am not physically present, the whole experience is in essence a very intense emotional scene.

Although this part of the night was challenging, I’m really happy it gave us an opportunity to discover my needs to keep me feeling safe. We had a good talk and I identified two things. The first, as mentioned above, is a debrief after the scene. The second, I discovered quite unexpectedly. I discovered that it really bothers me in a bad way when Master spends the night with someone else. When Master had failed to respond to his messages, my brain had instantly gone down the rabbit hole assuming he’d fallen asleep and would be spending the night, and that was not ok. I didn’t realise it at the time, but it was precisely the sleeping over that had made the previous two cuckings so difficult for me.

However, I didn’t know why this mattered so much to me and I wasn’t able to express it to Master either until last night. I attended TheKinkShrink’s workshop on jealousy and she explained there were two types between couples – sexual jealousy and emotional jealousy. That’s when it started to make sense. I fetishize sexual jealousy, but emotional jealousy is currently a limit. I relish the jealousy and humiliation from Master playing with and fucking someone else, but I am unable to process the jealousy of him being intimate with someone else and potentially developing feelings. Sleeping sans sex with someone else is a whole lot more intimate than fucking, and this makes me jealous in a bad way.

I’m reassured that Master is respectful of my needs and willing to give me time to embrace the situation. We agreed on certain boundaries (no sleeping over, a call at the end of the night) for the time being, until I get more comfortable with the whole situation. I am aware that emotions will inevitably develop in any relationship, play or otherwise, and I am also aware that not spending the night is arbitrary in nature. I am certain that I will be able to accept this eventually, but for now, this helps me a tonne.

On the upside, Master is very taken by Ms D, so taken that he shared he would like to see her exclusively. I am surprisingly comfortable with this. I find Ms D to be very respectful of our dynamic and interested in contributing to it. And honestly, the knowledge that just one other woman is getting all the pleasure and orgasms that I’m not is HOT. This opens up so many more possibilities in the future for a more intense cuckqueaning dynamic. I do seek her patience in allowing me to get used to things little by little, as I have always been able to do in the past.

I am well aware that it is not possible to prevent the development of feelings, even if a relationship is supposed to be purely sexual. Over time, fondness and attachment grows and I am prepared for that. Master and I had a good discussion and agreed that our dynamic would always take centrestage. I still hold the right to my safeword, but I agreed not to use it unless my boundaries are breached or our dynamic is affected. For now, I think this is the best deliverance of control I can manage in the context of cuckqueaning, and I am comfortable with that.

Finally, I have so many ideas on how I see this dynamic potentially growing with Ms D, but I think that deserves its own post. I’ll end off by letting you know that I wrote her a nice little thank-you message for taking such good care of Master. I really hope she likes it. 🙂

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