An Opportunity for Self-reflection

Master threw me in the closet today for close to an hour. There was very little warning. He gave me just five minutes to use the toilet and have a sip of water before gripping the back of my neck and escorting me into the bedroom.

I was being punished for waking him up this morning (Saturday – his only day to really sleep in) rather unceremoniously at the ‘early’ hour of 11am. I was supposed to wait for him to wake naturally.

And I get it. Really, I do. Master pulls long hours at work during the week and needs to recharge over the weekend. I am not sure why I waked him. I think I thought 11 was pretty late and also, I was getting hungry for brunch. 😂

Anyway, I was informed I would be punished, but I thought he was going to punish me tomorrow, Sunday, since that’s when we usually play. Well, I guess I thought wrong because I found myself in my tiny closet with only half the floor area available because clever me had moved stuff from Master’s closet into mine to make way for my pet bed. 😂

Before shutting the door, Master told me to be prepared to be locked in for awhile. Honestly, at that point, I was still grinning on the inside. I mean, I love tight confined spaces! I’m not sure how locking me up is meant to be a punishment, but I guess I can get behind that.

Still, an hour, while not being extremely long, can FEEL like a very long time when you’re mentally unprepared and don’t have anything to entertain yourself with. I tried to sleep, but the tight space meant I had to sit upright with my knees hugged into my chest all the time. With my head leaning against the cupboard wall, I managed to dose off a few times but kept getting jolted awake from the sheer discomfort of my position.

And then of course there’s the chastity belt. Let me tell you it is uncomfortable AF sitting for prolonged periods balled up like I was. The genital shield was digging tight into my pubic region and the metal bar at the back was digging into my lower back. Ouch.

I think my enthusiasm waned about the halfway mark. There was a small part of me that wanted to bang on the closet door to let Master know I was uncomfortable. But then I realized he would probably shut the door on me again and keep me in for even longer, so I scrapped that plan as soon as it formed.

I was way too uncomfortable by the midpoint that I couldn’t dose off anymore, despite sleeping anywhere at anytime being my secret super power. Damn. So, I decided to do what Master probably expected me to do while being locked up – try to wank. Nah, I’m kidding. I decided to self-reflect.

Then it dawned on me. I was being punished for something I’d done. I’m no wife, I’m a slave. Master is showing me that there are repercussions to my actions when I do not live up to what he expects of me. And in truth, this was probably the first punishment that I truly felt was a punishment. I’m such a masochist and so fucked in the head that no matter how hard Master hurts me, I love it.

Then I thought about my life now. Every inch of it. And I realized that I’ve been so well trained I don’t even feel as though I’m living a life much different from before. But that’s not true at all. My life now is nothing like it was before – financial dependence, 24/7 slavehood, weekly cuckings…

Everything single thing I do now is monitored by Master. I need to seek his approval for the most basic of things – buying something for myself, snacking, deciding on a project to pursue, everything. My life now is pretty devoid of decision. And… I like that. It sounds weird, I know. I used to have to make tonnes of decisions, like everyone else. But this feels strangely nice.

And then I realized that I was making good progress in getting where I want to go. I’ve shared with Master that I eventually want to be able to give up all semblance of choice to him. I don’t want a say in when or how he cucks me, or even how frequently these occur.

Of course, I’m not saying I expect him to disregard all the boundaries I’ve communicated as mattering to me. On the contrary, I know he’ll safeguard them, but I don’t want the power to choose whether he sees other women or not. On the surface, I’ve given that up, but the truth is I have a safeword so I could call the stops to everything whenever I want.

And I know safewords are important and I’m not shitting on your playstyle if you use them. I still do! I’m just saying that I fantasize about having them removed. (And look, it’s 2022. If I really want to walk out, I walk, so don’t worry that I haven’t got my head on right.) I don’t want the power to make a single decision, not for cuckqueaning, not for anything (important).

I felt like I needed to add that in parantheses otherwise someone would probably ask me about whether I make decisions in buying groceries, etc. Yes, of course I do. But I also know Master’s preferences and they factor into every simple decision I make for the running of the household.

After Master let me out, he gripped the back of my neck again and told me to cook us a delicious dinner, so I whipped up two cuts of beautifully cooked steak and some creamed spinach. We finished off our meal with some pinot noir and cheeses we’d picked up from the local fromagerie. That was my aftercare right there, and a delightful one it was.

2 thoughts on “An Opportunity for Self-reflection

  1. I love reading about your M/s dynamic. It appears your Master has found a real way to punish… a time out, in a tiny cramped space, away from him and devoid of anything to distract you. I imagine you will want to avoid that in the future (which means it worked as behavior modification!). Thank you for sharing this, Little Quean 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I was surprised at how effective a time out was! Master has always used pain to punish me, but I’m a masochist so while the experience might not have been easy, my brain always found a way to fetishize it after. It seems boredom and discomfort are really a lot more apt.

      Liked by 1 person

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