I’ve received some questions about cuckqueaning, mainly:
– How did you get into cuckqueaning? (Few women are okay with their husbands fucking other women, and you’re cute!)
– Are you not afraid that your current situation will eventually lead to a divorce? 🥲
– Do you think that all submissives should be cucked?
I’ve decided to write openly about how I came to learn about this kink, how I got turned on to it, the struggles I’ve faced, and why I am now ready to explore it head-on with Master. I hope this helps you understand me a little bit better, and also recognise that my interest in cuckqueaning is self-driven and that it isn’t an agenda Master pushes… at all.
I first got turned on to cuckqueaning with my ex-dom. However, it wasn’t smooth-sailing. You see, I’ve always identified as monogamous. I got together with my ex-dom when I was barely 25. We had already played on several occasions prior to that, and he’d taken me to more than a handful of play parties. He had a huge fixation on play with others, and I was comfortable with us doing so with other couples, but I drew the line at that. This wasn’t enough for him, unfortunately. We had been together for 2 years when he first suggested to me that we include another single female in our play. I was livid. I remember feeling betrayed. He was basically asking me for permission to cheat. I turned him down very strongly.
However, there are a few things about me that he knew he could use to turn me on to his way of thinking – my intense desire to submit and also my penchant for humiliation. He spent an entire year whispering scenes involving another women in my ear as he edged me, and they always featured me being in a position of service to her. I’ve always been a pretty pliable submissive, and it wasn’t long before I found myself thinking and fantasizing about him humiliating me alongside another woman. At the time, neither of us knew the kink was called cuckqueaning. I went online, found a handful of blogs, and discovered that there was a name to it – cuckqueaning.
Of course I devoured the literature. I learnt that, like cuckoldry, it didn’t always have to carry the aspect of humiliation, although it often did. I learnt that often, the scene was a prolonged one, beginning before the dominant headed out the door or before the other woman, also called the cuckcake, arrived. The scene would not end after the dominant and the cuckcake had had their fun. No, there was always a little bit left for the cuckquean, whether it be in the way of an obligatory orgasm, more edging/teasing/humiliation, or even more pain. I was hooked. I’d always identified as being masochistic, and this… this was something new. There was a limit to the pain that could be safely inflicted via impact play, but emotional sadism/masochism was unexplored territory.
My ex-dom and I started exploring cuckqueaning together about 3-4 years into our relationship, but it was a disaster. My ex-dom was not a good dominant. He was always more interested in his own agenda – the pursuit of exciting new experiences. In the context of cuckqueaning, albeit exciting, the focus has to actually be on the foundational coupleship and the cuckquean, NOT the play with the cuckcake. The cucking is a mere tool to reinforce/heighten the dynamic within the coupleship. And even though some pornography might suggest that cuckqueans enjoy being ignored and cast aside, this is only hot within the confines of the scene. Once the scene is over, however, the cuckquean returns to being the primary partner, the loved one. The dominant should never forget, for example, that it is his cuckquean who makes such a lifestyle possible.
My ex-dom wasn’t able to make such an edgy kink work in our dynamic, and it was no wonder. Our personal D/s dynamic was in a terrible state. He’d set up protocol that he’d remember to enforce for a week or two, and then it would be forgotten. He didn’t meet my needs as a sub. Often, we would only play when I was climbing the walls in frustration. You cannot play with the headspace of being rejected when you actually seriously doubt your value in the relationship. I didn’t feel desired in our relationship, and I started to develop real feelings of resentment when I saw him desiring the other women we included in our play.
It didn’t help that there was a tonne of gaslighting. Whenever I tried to stop things, express my discomfort, request that we take a break from cuckqueaning and refocus on our own D/s dynamic, I was made to feel guilty for withholding his shiny new toy. We wouldn’t focus on us. Instead, we wouldn’t play. It quickly became a situation where I had to consent to being cucked in order to even obtain any sort of play. And when we entered the cuckqueaning sessions, it was often with a heavy heart for me, because he never bothered to set me up in the headspace properly prior to the scenes. I’d go through with the scenes because I hadn’t wanted to disappoint him and the other party, and often, we’d have booked nice hotel rooms so there was much at stake. I spent years oscillating between loving the kink (in fantasy) and hating it (in reality).
Anyway, thank god I got out of that relationship (marriage, actually) after 10 long years. My ex-dom caused me to develop anxiety from constantly putting me in situations where I was uncomfortable and unhappy. When I got together with my Master, I was pretty broken. He spent the first year of our time together putting me back together again – my self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth… All of that was pretty much in shambles due to my ex. He pushed me to seek therapy when it became clear he wasn’t able to help me work through my anxiety on his own. About a year ago, I shared with Master my interest in cuckqueaning and suggested to him that we explore it together. He was very curious to understand what I liked about it, and certainly he got excited at the prospect, but he assured me that my happiness was his priority and he did not need or even want to fuck anyone else to be fulfilled in our relationship.
The first few times were very light, such as what I documented in my piece “The Shy Cuckcake”. And honestly, it didn’t start out being easy. After every session, I’d get hit with the familiar wave of anxiety and I’d want it to stop. But the difference (between now and then) was that we would. Master would immediately get off the dating apps, stop communications with the women, refocus his energies on me and me alone. We’d share months of unbridled passion just playing hard with each other, building our then D/s dynamic. I have never felt undesired by Master. We play daily, and it is plain to see that he adores me.
I guess it was a combination of me learning that I could trust Master unconditionally, recognising that he isn’t cucking me for his own gains, understanding that his priority is and always will be me that made me decide to foray into the kink for real. So yes, I know that I’m gorgeous and I know that in his eyes, there’s only me. My pursuit of cuckqueaning doesn’t come from a place of deep-seated self-loathing, or anything of that nature. I simply love the objectification and humiliation that, for some reason, I can only derive from being cucked. We still navigate those scenes cautiously. In the haze of my arousal, I have often requested that he see other women more frequently, treat me more carelessly, etc, but he never has.
So, do I ever worry that my situation will eventually lead to divorce? No. I’ve been through one failed marriage before and I can say with absolute confidence that this one is good. Master is consistent, reliable and loves me with ALL his heart. In our time together, he has never made a decision that does not prioritise me and my needs. He is protective, possessive and has never put in a situation in which I feel forced into doing anything. This is the man I see myself growing old with happily, devoting my love and service to for time eternal.
Do I think that all submissives should be cucked? Hell, no. I know other fulfilled D/s and M/s couples who are monogamous and do not practise cuckqueaning in any form. It’s my kink, not a universal ingredient to submission. In my case, I find it draws out my submission like no other kink can, but for others, this might be simply through service, being used, etc. D/s and M/s looks different for everyone; it’s taken me more than a decade to figure out what works for me, and this is it. But again, this is just ONE aspect of my dynamic. There’s so much more behind the scenes, such as what I shared in my piece about our protocols.
Whew, that is one long wall of text. I truly hope you found this informative. Thank you for the questions, those who asked them. There are no stupid questions as I know that what we do is pretty novel to many. I’m here to share, dissect and hopefully educate.